A
male
age
51-59,
*oulCoughing
writes:I broke up with my ex 2 and a half years ago. He had a breakdown and would not get help. We had a great relationship until he emotionally degraded. I stayed with him for 6 months after the breakdown but had to end it because: 1) he talked about suicide constantly and refused to get help 2) I deeply descended into depression too from his condition.That must make me sound terrible that I would break up with someone who was suicidal, but I felt like he was sinking and taking me with him. It was not an easy choice, but I did it for my own survival. Please try not to judge me on this. I had much guilt for doing that.Our breakup was the catalyst for him finally getting help. He has since met someone else and all his problems have gone away. I'm glad he is no longer suicidal but i get sad because he seemingly has a perfect life now. If he only would have gotten help when we were together. I feel cheated.But this part is actually the problem. We stayed friends the whole time, even going so far as having ex while he was single. He and his boyfriend have an open-ish relationship and he stops by sometimes and we fool around. I still have very deep feelings for him and have been really sad the last year.I finally realized this was not good for me and cut all contact from him about a month or 2 ago. Sometimes it feels like we just broke up and is very painful. I feel like I'll never meet anyone again and if I do, they won't love me like he did. I miss him terribly sometimes.How can a relationship that ended 2.5 years ago still be causing so much pain. Part of it might be that I'm turning 40 this month. I feel kind of hopeless about another mate. One last note, he has changed in some significant way and in my opinion not for the better. He used to be very devoted, but now is into 3 ways and open relationships. (No judgement, that just doesnt work for me) I feel like I'm mourning for the man I fell in love with that no longer exists.Please help
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reader, der_zyniker +, writes (6 May 2010):
Don't do what the previous guy suggested. You can't just end destroy another persons relationship because of your feeling. That would be a terrible thing to do to him and his boyfriend. Also if he is into three ways and fools around with people other than his boyfriend. If you were to get back together with him how faithful do you think he would be to you. I would try to be his friend, but give up trying to have a romantic relationship with him. I know it hurt, but I think the problem is that you are holding onto the hope that you two will get back together. You need to let go of those hopes. I know that doing that isn't easy, but I think that that is the best thing that you can do for yourself. Try to find someone else.
A
male
reader, CaringGayGuy  +, writes (3 May 2010):
 I wish I could hug you! It sounds soo painful what you're going through.My Solution: Get another Boyfriend (fake if you dint want to go through the trouble of finding one) and since you're still friends ask him on a Double Date Make him jealous and get a really bad break-up if he really cares about you he'll comfort you and try and go places with him e.g. Café etc. his boyfriend might get jealous and they might get in an argument and if you are good friends he'll seek you for comforting. Tell him that he'll get over it and they'll get over this minor speed bump in their relationship and that your only friends, at the right moment but not when he's vunrable kiss him his feelings for you. I know this plan is cruel for his boyfriend but I was in this type of situation and didn't do anything and that got married in the end, so if I could I'd change what I did!-CaringGayGuy
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