A
female
age
30-35,
*tracy
writes:My life has been confusing these past few months... I guess I will start with some background history. I am a 20 year old female that just ended a 4.5 year engagement with the man I thought I wanted to marry...( I still love him.. idk if it is that way anymore) That is until I fell for my best friend who is a girl. The best friend is a lesbian so there is the bonus. I consider myself bi since I like both sexes.I like my best friend and I have told her numerous times. She says I am her type, but one of the many problems is she is still in love with her ex (their relationship ended nearly a year ago). I respect that and I told her I am not quiet ready for a relationship as well. The next problem is that she is worried I would leave for another man. I told her if she gives me a chance I could show that I am not a cheater and do not bounce from relationship to relationship. After all the relationship stated earlier was my first. Its odd, but I do not see myself looking at many men anymore maybe this is my transition, I don't know. How do I get her to trust me? Time?My next problem... I have no experience when it comes to sex with women...I don't even know what is all classified as sex for women on women relationships. She knows this and I think she doesn't really want to be my "experiment" Last night we were talking about my lack of experience. I jokingly said I need to find a woman to practice on. Her response was you can practice on me, but I will probably need to be drunk...Should I go with the theory she is just nervous (she is always quiet until she is drunk, then it seems she has courage) Or do I go with the theory she thinks I am going to be terrible in bed? We mutually agreed this would be no strings attached sex. I know it sounds bad, but I haven't had sex in a while and neither has she. We both are not ready for relationships.Please tell me your thoughts on this situation and please give me some tips to woo her in bed.
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best friend, drunk, her ex, lesbian Reply to this Question
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female
reader, atracy +, writes (12 May 2011):
atracy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I was very young when I got engaged. Live and learn I suppose. I want to thank you all for the great advice. As a result to all of the responses my friend and I are taking it slow. Everything you guys said made sense as much as I hate to admit it I am following your advice. There will be no sex with her until she is ready. Your right some good things are worth waiting for, and she is def. an amazing person that is worth the wait.
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (9 May 2011):
 I think first of all, putting your sexuality to one side for a moment, you need to take some time out to think about you.You are only 20 years old, and have just come out of a 4.5 yr relationship? So you were how old when you became engaged? 16 years old? That is a very young age for anyone to be engaged, let alone know what they want or feel as an adult. People change SO much from the ages of 16 - 20, you grow as an individual, a person, your likes, wants and needs all change and develop. You were a child at 16 and now you are an adult. I think this is the issue here... you commited yourself at a young age to being and feeling a certain way. You are still on the rebound of a relationship break down, and dealing with these new found sexual feelings.... possibly not the best time to be jumping into bed to experience your first lesbian sex session. Its like having a rebound relationship, but with even more potential to go wrong. Take some time to get to know yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2011): Wow, you sound exactly like my sister. She left her boyfriend of 4 and a half years for her lesbian friend! She had never been in a woman relationship before either/slept with a woman etc. Her lesbian friend was also scared she would run back to men. My sister too (as she told me) was very nervous.The first time my sister did anything with her was when she was drunk, as it gave her confidence. Her girlfriend said she was really good at it and she then tried it when she was sober. Her girlfriend said she was the best person she'd ever slept with. Whether that was because she loves her so much or not I don't know, but I guess it don't always matter if you're not experienced, it can come natural.Obviously your friend knows you're inexperienced, so it doesn't matter. Just try it, you might really enjoy it.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 May 2011):
 First, do not do "no strings attached" sex! Why on earth would you do that?? If she's nervous you'll leave for another man, you'd reinforce that fear with having quick and casual sex with her in the first place. No, tell her that you really like her and will wait until she's sure, because you want her and not just sex with a woman.
Second, do not have sex with her until she is over her ex, because then it will be you who is screwed. Good things are worth waiting for.
Third, if she brings up worrying about if you'll leave her for a man, it's because of the stigma that "bi" girls are just curious until a man comes along. Tell her that you love the person, not the gender.
If you're not ready for relationships, then don't have sex. Also, if she has to be drunk in order to experiment with you, then she is not ready. Hold out until you can have more, if it's meant to be. You'll be happy you did.
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