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female
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anonymous
writes: Last night I broke up with my b.f. of 1 yr. I’m very confused about the way I’m feeling right now… I know why I chose not to be with him. In a lot of ways I realized that we were not compatible, we didn’t want the same things for our future, I had difficulty trusting him because he’d lie to me so much… and a million other reasons.But, I’m feeling very low about breaking up with him… it feels like I might’ve been wrong… I know he loved me a lot… but, I wasn’t sure I loved him at all. I was going through a very bad phase when I met him and I feel like he pretended to be this totally different person just to get me to be with him… and after a few months together, I saw that he was a totally different person altogether. Still, I miss the days we spent together… the laughter, holding hands, enjoying doing small things together, planning for our future together, kids – their names… I feel I might’ve gotten too judgmental about him… maybe he fell short of my expectations (because I thought of him as the guy he pretended to be when we first met). Could anyone tell me if my decision of separating was wrong?
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male
reader, mani  +, writes (19 June 2006):
i finished with my girlfriend last week who i was living with and i keep wondering if i;ve done the right thing. we both still love each other but realistcly had no future, i'm having exactly the same feelings and doubts as you but if i;m honest when we were together part of me knew this had to happen just like you did. keep going with your head down like i'm trying to do and you will get over this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2006): Thank you very much Auntie Claire, Dazzerg and Lovetolive. Your advice has indeed made me very strong and more confident about the decision I have taken. It hurts but, I know this is the best for the both of us. I know I will thank myself one day for this. I'm trying to keep myself focussed on thinking about the aspects that I was unhappy about instead of thinking of the good times. The good times, and they were A LOT of them, surprisingly bring me to tears. I'll get past this. I know I will. I have no choice. Thank you all again. God bless this site and all the people on here. :)
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A
female
reader, Lovetolive +, writes (19 June 2006):
Hi! Your story sounds like my past life, hehe. I had the same experience 6 years ago. I went through a bad phase and this guy pretended to be the person of my dreams. Later we settled and then I found out that he was faking himself all the time. Every story of his was a lie, every idea of his was a fairy tale. I enjoyed with him alot. He was very romantic and always concerned, very sociable, and everything a guy should have. I fell in love with him but when I settled with him then I found the truth which was bitter. He still showed that he loved me and we had fun but I could not overcome the fact that our whole relationship was based on lie. I was 6 weeks pregnant when I left him. I struggled throughout my pregnancy my my child was my first priority. I managed to pull myself through and my baby is almost 5 years old now. I am still working towards building a career and am pretty sure I will do it. I think you made the right decision. We need to be practical in love. Don't make the mistake I made. I forgave him alot of times. I have no guilt about having my child because I adore my baby, but I feel sad sometimes that he never saw his dad. I am pretty successful in life now. I know it hurts but initially breaking of any relationship makes us feel torn and sad. Don't blame yourself. Noone else will decide for your life. You will have to be strong and stick to your instincts. Don't regret a decision that you know will bring good in future. Take care
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (19 June 2006):
 I think its only natural to feel this way even if you have split for clear and good reasons because not only are we talking about the end of a relationship but also the end of your hopes and dreams and the dissapointment of your expectations.
Its impossible for me to tell whether you did the right thing. Not wanting the same thing for your different futures isnt necessarily an obstacle - as long as they geled together but lying is not good and over time the lack of trust would have most likely corroded the relationship anyway. During this time you would probably have become seriously insecure and unhappy so maybe better a clean break now.
I am curious to know in what way do you feel he changed?? Is it possible it's your perception of him that changed since you were in a different emotional place when you met?? I think you are actually looking to be told the descision was wrong to validate at least part of how you is feeling. Hope I have helped a little - take care.
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A
female
reader, auntie claire +, writes (19 June 2006):
 dear reader idon't think you was wrong there no, i think you saved both you and him a lot of heartache.you may be feeling like this now but as you said it was only last night your bound to be feeling a little raw its hard to break up at any stage but when you've been with soemone a year you get used to having them around you.i think more to the point of you wondering if you don'e the right thing, i think its more you don't want that feeling of being alone. don't go jumping back into anything untill you 100% sure that its what you want. you need to give yourself time to get used to being alone and find out what you want out of a relationship.keep strong and don't fall into bad habitsall the best to you and keep me posted xxx
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