A
female
age
26-29,
*isGirl0516
writes:My s/o and I have been together for 9 years. We have a daughter together that’s undergoing chemotherapy for Leukemia. The past 9 years though they have brought me joy have also brought me a lot of pain. He cheats and is always doing things he’s not supposed to be doing and I have gotten to my limit. My question is how do I tell him it’s really over? I am not scared of being alone, I actually think it’s time after so many years of being disrespected. But I don’t know how. I haven’t had a break up in the last 9 years. And we have so much between us. Any advice is appreciated. Also how do I not feel bad for him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2021): Sweetheart, please make sure you get your legal wheels turning to set-up for your child-support. He's breaking-up with you, but not relinquishing his responsibilities for her financial-support. I hope it's an amicable breakup; and things workout that you can co-parent with a minimum of drama.
A
female
reader, HisGirl0516 +, writes (2 August 2021):
HisGirl0516 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both so much for the advice! I spoke to him already and have decided to move forward with the break up. I need to focus on my daughters treatment and myself. Thank you!
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (2 August 2021):
 I think that you should tell him its over sooner rather than later, the longer you leave it the harder it will get.
I think the trust, and the love has sadly left this relationship, and with him having been unfaithful the damage is often unrepairable.
Yes it will be hard to step up to the plate and finish things for you and your daughter, but in the long run i feel it will be the best move you could make.
By your own admission you say that you are not afraid of being alone. You will be more happy not in this relationship than in it, it will be a better life for you and your daughter.
Don't feel bad for him, he was not feeling bad for you while he was disrespecting you.
Set up a plan of action for your exit, even obtain legal advice, and involve family and friends so you don't have to go through this alone.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 August 2021):
 Think of it this way, when you break up it will be for the best for BOTH of you. Because it will leave you OBTH open to meeting someone (down the line) who is a much better fit, much better match.
If I were you I would tell him that you have reached your limit, that you feel you have enough on your plate, and that you can no longer be with him. (in your own words) THAT is YOU being honest with him.
Yes, it will hurt (all 3 of you) - there is rarely such a thing as a painless break-up. The reason you feel bad for him is that you have so much shared past. Good and bad. That is how it goes.
You will get over it. He will get over it. And the thing is, IF he doesn't, THAT is on him. He is mainly the reason the relationship ended.
LEARN from this. NEVER accept things like cheating in a relationship. IF cheating totally is a no-go - the relationship ends there.
You say:" e cheats and is always doing things he’s not supposed to be doing" - the thing is he has had no REAL consequences - YOU have still stuck around. So he keeps doing them. NOT that it is your fault (it's not) but in the past, he has known he could get away with doing "stuff" he shouldn't be doing. You would be mad but forgive him.
EVERY person has their limit. YOU have now reached yours.
He will still (to an extend) be in your life because you share a child. So it is important that you BOTH work on making the transition from a mom&dad situation to a mom here and dad over there.
It's OK to put yourself first. Your daughter will benefit from a mom who isn't miserable 24/7!
I hope your daughter's treatment goes well.
Make your exit plan - whether it's asking HIM to leave or you leaving. And then put the plan in motion, ask family and friends for help and support if need be.
Also in your case, it might a good idea to talk to Child support services. And set up a visitation schedule.
You can do this.
I wish you and your daughter the best.
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