A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiI'm a pretty laid back intelligent guy in his early 30s who hasn't had any long term relationships so am a bit inexperienced. I guess I would say I'm quite shy and lack a bit of self-esteem.I went out with someone I met on the internet recently, and had a relationship for about 3 months. It was nice and loving and we got on well although looks wise she wasn't my type. The only thing was we didn't have alot of common interests; she's into the arts and culture whereas I'm into sports. We split up as I just thought the lack of common interests might be a problem for a long term relationship, and I wanted to mention it early as I know she is 32 and conscious of being near her child bearing threshold. She's also a bit of a drifter in relationships as she told me about her previous relationships when she's stayed with people who she knew weren't right for her. She was a bit upset as was I, and we both said we thought it was about a 70% right relationship. But she's a bit inexperienced in relationships as well, and she didn't know whether it was the right thing to do. We've agreed to be friends, and maybe take a step back for a while. Although obviously I think it will be difficult once one of us has raised doubts for us to get together again.The thing is I don't know whether I did the right thing by splitting as we always got on, were very relaxed in each others company and never had an argument. With a lack of relationship experience behind me, its difficult as I find it very difficult to form relationships and I am missing her companionship. I guess any advice on whether people think a nice loving relationship like this but without the x factor could have been worth preserving. Or whether I did the right thing by trying to get us both to think early about the compatibility rather than possibly drift along.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi
As a follow up, I kind of initiated the break-up but now regret it. I'd hoped we'd meet up and she has said that she will go to see some music with me.
However, I still have feelings for her and know that she is actively looking for someone else. I've told her I miss her but didn't really get any encouragement back. The problem is I now think it best if I move on and erase her contact details. It will be hard as I thought a friendship might work but my feelings are indicating to me that staying in touch will make it harder to move on.
I would love to have her back but think I must accept that she has moved on. Does anyone have any advice?
J.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): It may be the healthiest thing for your relationship that you guys could have ever done. The thing is, don;t overrule her, and work now on bein ggenuine friends. I think Lina319 saw the wood before the trees, and her insignt is excellent. Keep good friends with her,having different interests only johggs you out of your comfort zone and teaches you new things.. It is quite amazing both of you have decided to cool off because of that, but in the same time very confident and mature step... I think this is an ideal position from where you can get to know eachother better..
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (13 May 2009):
 You're going to be alone forever if you don't stay with people for long! 3 months isn't enough!
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A
female
reader, Lina319  +, writes (13 May 2009):
 You know its all a matter of personal preference. I have met people who are not concerned with having common interests with their partners, they are more concerned if their partner can treat them well, the rest will come. These ppl I assume believe that opposites attract and form long lasting relationships. Then there are those like myself who do not believe that. I have dated men whom I have had a nice, decent time with, they treated me nicely, were concerned with my feelings, and i had a reasonably good time going out with them, but I always felt like something was missing, certain things that I enjoyed they didn't. That bothered me, and so I cut my relations short, because I would much rather prefer someone who shares, and feels the same way I do about really important things.
Now when I say important things I don't mean I love Coco puffs cereal and he likes Frosted Flakes, omg how can i be with him, no that is all bs. For me persay, music is extremely important, I listen to everything, if my partner tells me I only listen to 3 specific genres, call me crazy but that to me is annoying, because well if he is so narrow minded to only prefer 3 genres out of so many, maybe he is like that with other things as well. If you view sports in the same light, as i do music, then you may have a problem with someone who enjoys arts and culture.
If this tho was the only issue, but you two saw eye to eye on many other things like religion, politics, abortion, your goals, ambitions, values etc etc... then you may have gotten well ahead of yourself, and not outweighed the many positives with the little negatives that could have just been adapted too for the sake of your relationship. Since you two have decided to remain friends, take this time to get to know one another really really well, and see if you two share more than you think. Good luck, I hope all goes well for you.
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