A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I fell in love with a married man and something happened (long story) and he disappeared without telling me. I was heartbroken, cried and went into extreme depression. I was in trying to get over him and move on and then he reappeared and explained to me what happened. When he returned, he was therapy and it seemed we were going to be friends and he was working on his marriage and trying to a better husband and father. We just talked online and sometimes would have very charged sexual conversations but thought that to be "harmless." And then, I made the "mistake" by inviting him over, lying to myself that nothing would happen and of course we failed miserably. I have read countless advice columns about being in love with a married man but still can't break free. I have tried to put myself out there and go out on dates but I can't get over him. I love him and its a love I have never experienced. I know this is wrong, I feel bad but I can't break free. The love I have for him consumes me. He broke my heart when he disappeared (with a justifiable reason) and he returned and I let him back into my life. I feel like I am his "poison pill" and honestly want to let him go but I cannot fathom not being with him. Within the months we were not in touch, a close friend I confide in told me in a couple of months, I would feel better and forget and move on but that never happened. I love him with all my heart. In more ways that one, he has said he is remaining in his marriage because he has a child or I may be lying to myself but he IS picking his wife over me so his feelings for me must not be that deep. Do I need to see a professional, i.e. a therapist to help me get over him? I feel like I can't do it on my own. Reality check has not worked!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone for your thoughtful responses. I broke it off with him and I am in therapy. I am not saying therapy is the "magic" response to helping me forget about him but it is helping me learn more about myself and I'm glad I am taking the steps in the right direction. He did not attempt to convince me to keep on seeing him. He was very emotionally distraught about keeping up the affair with me. However, he did want us to keep in touch but I don't think that is a good idea so I haven't maintained contact. I'm looking forward to be free from all the "up and down" emotions and in the future finding a man who is absolutely available to meTo the person who advised me to write down everything that doesn't add up when I feel the urge to email him, that has been very beneficial. Thanks to you all :-)
A
female
reader, califnan +, writes (7 February 2009):
 Hello Anonymous; I am another one.. This relationship has been an email relationship only.. Still he does get me stirred up and I do think about him upon awaking in the morning.. and all through the day I wait for word from him.. He loves his wife, and I think he wants me in his life too.. He approached me first.. He is unbelieveably special to me with good looks, sense of humor, great intelligence, and very loving/loveable.. I have searched a few single sights hoping to find someone like him, but the individual does not appear to be there.. He would not leave his wife, nor would I want him to.. it is not of God and he would always wonder if he made the right decision.. I tried it for two weeks without him, and I could not do it.. So I have decided - with God's help- to try to strengthen myself, improve my life .. (so I will not be so envious of he and his wife together).. To keep busy and accomplish all of the self improvement that I can, including many other things that I wish to accomplish, and hopefully God will bring me that special man that He has set aside for me.. Pray that God brings to you the desires of your Heart.. God Bless You.. califnan
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A
female
reader, tammye17 +, writes (1 February 2009):
 Hello, its funny how the world is but you are probaly the same age as me,22. I am envolved with a married man 14 years older, and your situation sounds exacly like mine, he does not want emotional envolment after 3 years he is nice but not affectionate like me, i wish he would. we just recently broke up and iam devastated, iwake up and the first thing i think about is him, i miss him so much and my hear aches over this man and i cant help but wonder if his heart aches like mine.i know i dont have a future with him. i know he feels for me and we have awesome chemistry, he married just to settle down he felt like he was getting old and he just recently had a baby because he felt that he was also getting old....he feels like that cause of society and he grew up with no home, no father and he wanted to change that for him and now his baby,he always tells me that he rushed in to marrying her, that he should have waited until he met me, that me and him are for each other, but what i can tell you is you are the only one that can help herself if you really want to, its hard but think about your future your happyness. the loneliness you are going to have for years by being with him, the hurt. its better now that 10years down the road i was with this man for 3 years. good luck
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A
female
reader, RunsWithScissors +, writes (23 January 2009):
Yes, I would recommend seeing a therapist. You sound like you are very honest with yourself, that's a good thing. Find a good therapist who deals with co-dependency and find a good book about it. You will be amazed at what you read and how much it will help you. I'm not going to lie to you, it will hurt to break it off completely with this guy, but for you to ever have a life you need to. Going to a therapist and reading about co-dependency will make it so much easier, but be strong...you will get through this. It's hard but you know you have to do it, you just need to find the right tools to help you.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (23 January 2009):
 Your so-called "love" is no man in any respect.
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