A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for the past 3 years. My boyfriend is sweet and cares for me a lot, but as much as he denies it, I'm not a priority for him. First comes university\job, then his parents, and then me, and that's how it's always been, even after I told him it's bothering me. He says he trying to "balance priorities", but if I call him and his dad calls him, we both know where he'll go. He's also not very attentive, forgetting birthdays and things like that, and even when he remembers, I haven't gotten even a birthday card for the last 2 years! I don't care much for presents, but it'd be nice to show he cares, at least.Over the summer I went to stay with a friend of mine abroad and found I really get along with her brother. He's a lot more stable and mature than my bf, despite being a year younger. I haven't really known him for long, but my friend talks about him a lot(they are really close) so I kinda feel like I've known him for years. We have a lot of fun and a lot of things in common. He's good looking but takes relationships very seriously and has never had a real girlfriend before, despite being in his twenties, but I feel there's something between us and my friend told me he's not indifferent towards me, and like I said, they're really close and she knows him best. Also, a while ago my bf almost broke up with me, because he had feelings for another girl, but he says they passed. We have been friends for 5 years before we started dating, so I know him pretty well, and I know for sure he cares for me a great deal. But I can't deny the feelings I'm staring to develop for my friend's brother, though he's abroad for now. He and his sister invited me to stay with them every summer, which I will probably do, because I don't get to see my friend often, and he even suggested I should move abroad with them, that I should get a job there and can live with them (they share an apartment). They are coming back for Christmas in a few months and I'm not sure what to do.Should hope is passes, or break up? PS: I believe in absolute honesty in relationships, so I have told my bf that I have a crush. He doesn't seem to be taking it seriously though...
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female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (16 August 2014):
If you want to end the relationship with your current boyfriend then do it. But don't do it just so you can have the other guy. Do it because you are unhappy and not getting what you need out of the relationship.Just because you had a lot on common and got on well with this new guy, that doesn't mean that he will necessarily want a relationship with you. So don't dump one guy and expect to go straight into starting a new relationship.I did this once many years ago, dumped a perfectly good and decent boyfriend because someone else had caught my eye and he seemed very keen on me - there was a lot of chemistry. I dumped my boyfriend and started seeing this new guy and then found out that "he wasn't really in a place for relationships right now". He'd just wanted a bit of fun. And I had to admit that he hadn't asked me to dump my b/f or suggested that we have any kind of relationship -I'd just assumed that he'd felt the same chemistry that I had felt - and he hadn't. I was heartbrokenHowever I do think that the relationship with my boyfriend had been slowly winding down anyway. I coud never really put my finger on it but I figured that if I kept getting intense crushes on other people, it probably meant that he wasn't the right guy for me in the long run.
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