A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So I have been dating my boyfriend since April and been seeing him since January time. In a couple of days he is going on holiday with his mates to malia. I am really afraid he will get drunk and cheat on me. He cheated on his ex on holiday before and that was just a family holiday, he tells me he loves me and didn't even like her that much at all. But I'm still scared especially as we have been arguing a bit lately and I don't know whether he is getting fed up. The other day we got our results from our sixthform and mine was wrong however he got into uni so I had to wait another day for mine and I was told I might not get into uni because of it. I was gutted really upset I even started crying on the street he comforted me and even phoned up the uni to explain. He was meant to be going out with mates to celebrate but he said to me do you want me to stay with you tonight. I said I don't want to ruin your night you still did well have fun. Then about an hour later I had a call sayin my results has been changed to my right ones I phoned up the uni and told them and they said still might not get in because of the wait. I was in a state and a asked my boyfriend to stay with me tonight as I was so upset. He came up with reasons why he has done enough and said he will wants to go out can he not go out etc and it really upset me that he would act like tht when I was so upset. After ages he stayed with me but then I felt like I was such a cow for asking him to because all his family was saying he should go out not come mine because I was upset. He blames himself and says sorry he should of been there but I'm not sure what he thinks. We both got into the same uni in the end but I still feel like maybe he is getting fed up. He is lovely to me really is. But I'm so scared he will get drunk and cheat on me. He goes away Tuesday for 2 weeks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2014): You got a shock, and that would send anyone reeling backward to think you didn't get into college! You were devastated and needed comforting. Don't apologize for that. It knocked the freaking wind out of you!!! He did make the offer. Give him credit.
You wanted your new boyfriend to stick around; because that is one of his duties. To comfort you in hard-times or during a crisis.
A few words here. Dramatics and tears shouldn't to be used to manipulate people. If you say it's okay that he should keep other plans, mean it. Your relationship is in it's earliest stage; so consider this a small red-flag. Will he be there in a crisis; or prefer to party with his mates?
He is very young and perhaps a little knuckle-headed. I can see where fun and drinks vs. a night with a sulking female might be a hard choice. Don't take offense, I'm on your side. Just offering it from a male's point of view.
He did come-around and he came to the rescue. The cavalry was a little late, but better late than never.
I think you should tell him that you're a little scared, and it's important to you that you can trust him. You can be straight-forward about your fears. Tell the truth. Then show him you can be strong and you will trust him not to cheat. That will plant a seed in his mind.
Take it easy. I know you'll be on pins and needles until he gets back. This is where you also have to show maturity and strength as a young woman. You can't ride in his back pocket.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 August 2014):
 My advice TALK to him. TELL him your fears. BUT do not ask him NOT to go. Just tell him that you worry about it, but that you HOPE your trust in him isn't misplaced and then DO NOT make a big deal out of it. Say your piece and then STOP nagging or pouting.
He should be able to keep it in his pants if he is serious about you. YOU should not have to CONTROL him or PARENT him in order for him to "behave".
As for you being upset with your uni stuff, I understand, it must have been scary. But you contradict yourself by telling him OH DO GO OUT with your mates and then being mad when he doesn't drop everything for you. BE straightforward, don't assume that he can read your mind, and then get mad when he can't.
If he comes home and he DID cheat, then you know. He isn't at a stage where being a good BF and faithful is important.
Being DRUNK is no reason to cheat. TRust me, I had some really "wet" year in my late teens -early 20's and I never cheater, neither did my BF. We BOTH had some vacation away from each other in the 4 1/2 years we were together. I went Interrail with 4 other girls and not once did I cheat (and yes we had plenty of Ouzo and plenty of opportunity to cheat)
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