A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i really like this guy... since i was 5.. we used to go to the same church, but we fought alot. people always said wen we were older, we'd get married.11 yrs later we got together, an i was really elated.. within those 11 yrs i had been with other guys but i knew i always liked him. an things have been goin great except i cant seem to trust him with other girls and goin to clubs by hiself.. its nt that i had a bad experience with any of it in my past, its just i feel really insecure, that i dont want to lose him.. he seems to be frustrated wen i tell him about my feelings and brushes it off.. although he tells me he loves me, i dont believe it. anytime we argue about other girls, he gets fed up an curses and says the most hurtful stuff... but i cant leave.. i really need to no if i should break up with him or stay an no everythings gonna be alright?
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female
reader, LaLaLoo123  +, writes (17 January 2011):
First You Should Try And Talk To Him About It Because If he Loves You And You Love Him You Should Trust Each Other...And I have Been In This Position my Boyfriend cheated on me and i was so upset and angry I did end up dumping him because he denyed it but i had proof. But you need to trust him and i know that people have doubts but if he treats you horribly then i wouldnt put up with it and i hope you the best but just try and tell him how u feel and if he loves you he would come through! so good luck!XX
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): If he hasn't done anything to warrant your mistrust, then you have to keep those insecurities to yourself and not take it out on him b/c you will lose him. If you can't do that then you should break up with him or he will end up feeling like you have put him in a prison and then he'll break up with you. Maybe you aren't ready for a relationship0? Two people in a relationship don't need to be together ALL the time and should be able to have their own friends and interests. The person who tries to interfere with that and keep the other in a cage will end up being abandoned.
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A
female
reader, pajson93 +, writes (17 January 2011):
I have been in a similar situation to you so i know where you're coming from.
If you don't have any evidence that he is cheating then it is your paranoia and insecurities getting the better of you. This is what you need to work on. Build up your own confidence and your insecurities will slowly disappear!
If you accuse him of cheating when he really isn't, he is going to get fed up and frustrated and you don't want this!
However, if he is cheating you have a right to. You need to find out the truth and go from there.
Hope this helps :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): You need to sit down when you aren't feeling those feelings so that you don't coe across as desperate ad anxious because he might become bombarded with your feelings about this, especially if they are unfounded. Tell him that this is very important to you, and you need to talk to him with him shrugging off your feelings and walking away, tell him how important this is to you to talk about. make up cew cards if it helps, or a list of points and come from a place of "i feel", not accusing words like "when you". After you have talked, and he has listened and tol his side of this story and how he feels, then tell him you will want to talk about this again, as many times as you need to to feel reassured about this. on the other side of the coin, why are you feeling insecure about something happening that has happened? your feelings wont change whether he will cheat or lie to you, so why think about it when it doesn't seem that it will happen? your insecurity is based on fear, and fear is like a poison, it just causes pain and hurt between two people when there doesn't have to be any. you also mentioned he says hurtful things to you, don't enable that behaviour, if he does stand up tall and say you won't take that kind of talk, you wouldn't let anyone else so why him?you can not know if everything is going to work out, all you can do is hope that your love will last, and that you are both equally in this together...take your time and think carefully...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): you need to find out why your feeling like this before you talk to him. your feeling insecure becasue you dont want to love him but your insecurities may oush him away.
ask him to sit down with you and say you know its irrational but its how you are feeling. explain its becasue you dont want to loose him.
Try not to go on the offensive and talk about other girls but you need to find in yourself the reason you dont believe him when he says he loves you. are you sure you guys do love each other and its notjust ppl telling you to be together?
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