A
female
age
30-35,
*shieebabiee
writes:Well a four days ago I found out my boyfriend had a face book without telling me and so I wait to see if he tells me and he still doesn't so the next day I stayed home it was a friday night and I went to bed early because my mom is in the hospital and than I find out the next day he goes to a club and I can't confront him because one of his friends told me. I had enough so my reason is I broke up wit him because he did not tell me he had a facebook and goin to the club behind my back but he doesn't know that. So he tells me it was just for family and close friends? Idk we been off and on for three years and he put me through a lot of shit and I thought he changed this time Idk what to do?
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male
reader, Ven +, writes (19 October 2010):
Okay, so he has a history of damaging the trust you have in him. You have been in this situation for years now. Do you feel so frustrated that you can't even tell what is going on in his head? Do you feel like you mistreat him because of how much you distrust him?
If you answer yes to any of those, being apart from him for a while is a good thing. It will give you time to let your head clear, instead of constantly second-guessing what he says or trying to read into what he does. It's kind of like breaking up with someone awful: at first you miss them and are not sure if you made the right choice, but in time you realize exactly what kind of person they were.
You need to take this time out so you can figure out how much of the drama is only going on inside your head. So do your best to make the most of the time apart by focusing on other things. Get active and exercise. If you already are active, do something else and try something new. Do something that you can have fun doing without other people.
The more you let the drama out of your head and work on boosting your self esteem and confidence, the easier it will be for you to come back to your boyfriend down the road and deal with the problems that come up.
A
female
reader, ashieebabiee +, writes (17 October 2010):
ashieebabiee is verified as being by the original poster of the question Yes he has done pass incidents behind my back by goin to clubs talking to girls and all but I can say that was a while back but he finally stopped talkin to girls that i'm aware of and we recently got back together from a break and we talked about every thing I gave him a lot of chances in the pass where I should of left him but I was blind back than and now i'm a bit stronger but when we talked about every thing I even told him to tell me if he is goin to a club or what ever I don't mind just as long as he tells me but in his mind he tells me he was afraid to. Tell me he had a facebook because its for close friends and his sisters because he don't see them which is true. He used that excuse before he says he's afraid to tell me of how I will respond but we for sure talked about every thing that's why I ended it and he denys about goin to the club which I can't burn his friend which is hard too .
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A
male
reader, Ven +, writes (17 October 2010):
I don't know your entire situation, but breaking up with a man because he has a Facebook seems a bit harsh without a track record of previous behind-your-back incidents.
Whatever the case may be, you are definitely frustrated, so spending some time apart from each other will definitely help you out. Don't spend our time thinking about him or how he is doing, instead you need to focus on yourself. Work on making yourself feel like a better person, raise your self esteem, etc.
Exercise, volunteer, learn how to do something new and exciting.
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