A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,My girlfriend broke up with me two weeks ago after 2 1/2 years. I never seen it coming and am now totally devastated. I was preparing to propose to her on a weekend away at the end of the month. She had previous said she was unhappy but that it was her job, so she had applied for various new positions over the past 6 months but none materialised. She was also doing a degree (in psychology!) at night and was quite stressed as she was doing her finals. When breaking up she told me that she was unhappy in her life and only recently realised that it was due to our relationship. She also said that we were just too different and that small things that I would say or do were now irratating her. She had complained to me on a number of occcasions before that we were so different but I naively thought if we loved each other that that was enough. She also said that when I stated my opinion on things to her that it sometimes felt patronising or condesending and this had hurt her even though she knew that it was not my intention to do so, and that it had happenned once too often and now she had nothing left to give.I am into sports and she isn't, shes very extraverted while I am more shy but still quite outgoing. We still had common values and goals (family, marraige etc) dispite coming from different backgrounds and me being 8 years older than her. During our relationship we had some great times together, but I did notice she was a bit down towards the end.. whenever we talked about this she said she was stressed with her work and college so I accepted this.She says she still cares a lot for me and would like to remain friends as we were best friends for over 2 years. Up until the last 2 weeks she always told me that she loved me, couldn't sleep without me when we were apart.. and signed off text messages telling me she loved me.. This is why it was such a shock to me. I had noticed that this was less frequent in the final 2 weeks but only the final 2 weeks, and thought that it was down to exam stress. I just dont understand how she could go from loving me one week to not the next week. We didnt live together (both of us own houses and financially couldnt afford to sell in the current climate) but would have been together usually 4 nights a week. She had 2 big relationships before, which both ended badly and was very hurt in the past. For me this was the first real love of my life, I still think of her as the most amazing person I ever met and I miss her so desparately. I realise I didnt work too hard (if at all) at our relationship and had become complacent. I did lots of things to help her in her daily life but I see that I could have done more relationship wise. She definately provided a lot more input on that side. As it came out of the blue to me, I feel cheated of the chance to fight for what we had. I know she is hurting too but not as much as me.I have texted her to see how her father is (hes in hospital) and she responded and said she would leave it up to me if we wanted to meet and talk, but I am so confused as what to do. I can barely function because I am thinking about her every moment of every day and think this may make it worse unless she wants to get back together which is very unlikely.I would do anything to get her back but I know that this is unrealistic. If I do meet her what should I say.. should I tell her my true feelings (depression,devastation..etc.) or be more logocal and tell her that I'm trying to move on and that I'll cherish the memories and try to stay friends on some level. I'm just so confused.Please.. any advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): Oh, I am so sorry and understand your pain. I am going through something similar after dating my boyfriend only a year and half, but I too thought we were meant to be. I don't know what caused his change of heart and totally felt like I received mixed signals. The hardest part is lack of closure and really not knowing what happened. I think about him constantly, but my self-esteem can't handle another blow. If I had your choice, I'd wait until I was emotionally standing on my own two feet before seeing her. There will be time. If she truly cares, she'll be able to answer your questions, explain her feelings, and listen (and maybe respond)to yours in time. What's the cliche, "if it's a good idea today, it'll be a good idea tomorrow."
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): Maybe there's a possibility she just recently cheated on you, so she broke it off because of the guilt? The situation your in certainly resembles of those who's partners left because of that reason.
I don't see how things could change so suddenly other than reason, sorry to say.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): Oh jeez... I'm sorry I have no advice for you. But the same thing happened to me a week ago, so I feel your pain. I feel bad that I wasn't given a chance to make things right, but sometimes, you have to let go of the things you can't control...
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A
female
reader, bellaaddison  +, writes (11 May 2009):
I'm a hopeless romantic so my advice may be slightly jaded but I think you should tell her how you feel. Let her know that you feel lost without her. The one thing that you said in your story that really got my attention was that you didn't get the opportunity to "fight for the chance to work it out"... What would you have done differently? Those are the things I would think about before meeting her. Those things that you feel you took for granted are probably the things she noticed too.
I can't tell you how she will respond to you. Only she knows what she wants and or needs, but if you don't tell her, you'll never know if it would have made a difference. If she still feels it's too late, then moving on will ultimately be the only option but at this point, you owe it to yourself and her, to "fight" for her...
Good Luck!!
Bella
xoxo
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