A
male
age
51-59,
*dricomendez
writes:i met this girl via a dating website, ive used a dating website before a few years ago and generally think theyre a pretty false way to meet people, anyway i was just browsing, saw someone i liked, joined, got in touch and to cut a long story short we've had 3 dates and the relationship has already reached 'physical maturity'. In between the first and second dates i came on a bit strong so backed off and that did the trick. Things were going well, kind of are going well, we get on well, we fancy each other, she tells me that she's telling all her friends about me, but she doesnt want to go exclusive. I know shes got a date set up with someone else from this website. she's very popular on that site - shes an attractive woman and therefore gets a lot fo traffic. I feel really uncomfortable about this and the fact that if im not making moves this is going nowhere. Im 5 days into 'sweating' this out as i think that if she really does like me then she can make some effort and make some moves on this, i also feel that she feels i 'not playing hard to get' so im trying to dispell the idea that im easy. Im 36 and feel really too old for this sort of manoeuvring and game playing. I like her, she likes me - i fail to see what the point is. i guess my question is, is this a waste of a time...would someone really want to date other people if they liked you..personally i wouldnt, im quite happy to take one at a time and see where it goes, but then im not everyone. feedback gratefully received..as this is taking far too much of my mental energy!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, edricomendez +, writes (12 May 2009):
edricomendez is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for that advice, you are absolutely right about my choices. ill probably go for a mix of the second and third choices, if shes already a bit put off by my exuberance then i dont think me stating my undying love for her is going to help!! i think i just got myself in a fluster about it, its a really complicated game all in, im more used to the drunken fumble technique but im getting a bit old for that now and virtually stopped drinking a year ago so thats out the window. anyhoo, it doesnt really matter does it, im sure someone will ultimately turn up to nag me, limit my freedom, drain my resources, dictate my every choice..... multi-dating seems like a rather convuluted way of getting into that state of affairs!!
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (12 May 2009):
 I think you answered your own question there!!! You know that you really like this woman and have decided not to date anyone else...sadly shes not in the same place and it seems she wants to be more casual about dating.
It's not that unusual after only three dates and maybe she's not looking for a long term or serious relationship. Did you ask her about what she's looking for? Indeed she is getting plenty of attention from internet dating, so perhaps she's keeping her options open for now? This isnt a crime but can be confusing to someone who's maybe lost his heart to her!!
The way I see it you have three options to deal with this.
1) Ask her straight out and lay your cards on the table as to how you feel...who knows???, it may knock her socks off!!!
2) Carry on struggling and trying to second guess the situation, worry about every little move and nuance of the situation and drive yourself half batty!!
3) Play the game, date other women but keep her in reserve. Have a few more dates with her on a casual basis and build up a rapport. Being more relaxed at the start of a new liason can score you points. Remain interested and charming but give her space to come to you without being so intense.
Dating can be stressful and the older you get, the harder it is to tolerate, adopting a more pragmatic and laid back approach gives you time to see how things develop...as they say 'Rome wasn't built in a day'
Good luck and let us know how it goes!!!
Aunty Em xxx
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