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male
age
51-59,
*urthling
writes: Alright, then, I have a question. I know this girl locally; met her originally online. She's nearly four months pregnant, and trying to sort out her relationship with the father, who disappeared for a while when he found out she was pregnant and keeping the kid (she likes him, but he's also been rather an ass to her, and she's not the sort to tolerate a lot of that 'for love' or any other reason.)She's nice. She's pretty. She's fun. She goes out of her way to call me periodically, and to make dates to go eat. I would consider dating her, but I'm not pining away for her either.Anyhow, my romantic style could best be described as glacial. (I thought about saying 'tectonic,' which sounds like it could be more fun, but... glacial's more accurate). I think what I'd like most to do is just make this girl comfortable and happy and be a source of un-stress, as opposed to stress.I regard asking a gal: "Did you want me for long phone conversations and a shoulder to cry on, for stand-in dad, emotional rebound guy, or for making out/sex?" not to be an aide in de-stressing. Or, at least, I don't find sudden pointed questions about my own motivations to be soothing.So, comme on, dearcupid. Break out your telepathic powers and help me out. Persuade me that I should either flat-out ask, do something sly that puts the ball in her court, dedicate myself to being a stalwart friend, or... what?
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female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (17 June 2007):
Wait to see what happens with the kids dad. If its definately over, then ask her. Or talk to her about it. But be prepared to be told that she just sees you as a friend, or that it isnt the right time considering her pregnancy and all. If she just wants to be friends, dont give up on being a great friend.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2007): Agree with the other Aunts! Be her friend. Nothing in your posting indicates to me that she is looking for anything more than a friendship with you. It’s not unusual for a man to fall for a woman he is friends with, but if you want to know if you both have a romantic future, you really need to figure out one thing. How does she treat you when she is with you? Does she treat you like a man that she really wants (flirting, hugging, kissing) or does she treat you like one of her best friends? There is a huge difference. Think about this. So are you a true friend or a possible romantic partner? If you feel you are a good friend remember, true friends will never push another in this direction, re: romantically. So, judging from your posting..I have to say it sounds like you are a 'stalwart' friend. Why do I state that? Well, you said, "She's trying to sort out her relationship with the father, who disappeared for a while when he found out she was pregnant and keeping the kid (she likes him, but he's also been rather an ass to her, and she's not the sort to tolerate a lot of that 'for love' or any other reason.)" I think the words "she likes him" could mean the door will be open to this other fellow once he gets his act together. It's a huge possibility so please, prepare yourself for that. Take your time here..she has so much happening in her life that she must prepare for. A new baby means tremendous responsibility. She likely needs stable, dependable friends, right now. You simply have to pull back and bury the romantic notions of what you may want with her, and not put conditions on her feelings of friendship with you. Or you stand to lose her. She could view your movement and approach as opportunistic. And what are friends for? Be her friend, a support system..expect nothing else. If something happens in the future, that leads to a romance..then great.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (17 June 2007):
 I would say just to be her friend for now. Your glacial style probably is the best way to handle things for now. The fact that she is pregnant with another mans child screams 'proceed with caution' on your part. And as she has been abandoned by the childs dad, a friend and support system is what she needs most right now. Take your time and see where it leads.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (17 June 2007):
 With her ex doing the disappearing act on her when he found out she was pregnant, you're probably a breath of fresh air to her. She seems to feel comfortable with you and looks to you as a friend. Does she need to have an alterior motive to be friends with you?
Eve
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