A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone. So awhile ago my boyfriend found out his dad was leaving his mom. A few months later he came to me and said that he wasn't sure if he wanted to me with me anymore and it didn't seem like either of us were happy anymore. It eventually came out that his parents divorce made him rethink a lot of things. I agreed to give him his space but now it's been a couple months and he still doesn't know if he wants to be with me. I love him so incredibly much and was willing to give him some time but now I'm at a point where I'm so hurt I feel like I should end things. I do agree that we had been having some issues but I believe they are easily fixed. He refuses to go to counseling. Anyone else been through this? Btw, we're in our mid 20's and have been together 5 years.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 October 2011):
 If he refuses to go to counseling there is not much you can do. YOU CANNOT FIX HIM, you can only fix yourself.
5 years is a long time together to just walk away from.
He asked for space...I suggest as painful as it is that you should give it to him.
I suggest NO CONTACT.... ugh it sucks I know especially when you love someone and worry about them but he's been given some time and now it appears that he's keeping you around as a backup in case he can't find anything else.
IF it was me, I would tell him exactly what you told us:
you want to work this out
you want to go to counseling with him
you've given him enough time and you are so hurt at this point that you have to end it.
THEN END IT. BE strong. Be prepared for him to accept it and walk away.... because the truth is that right NOW he's not the man you want or need him to be.. what you are currently pining away for is what you USED to have... not what currently is...
Now NC may prod him to make a decision. You may or may not like this decision he makes. Truth is he may take months and months to make this decision and you may have moved on by the time he's ready (if he ever is)... it's a risk both of you have to take.
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