Boyfriends libido is much lower than mine, don't know what to do next!

A female age 41-50, *issyBoots writes:

I have been with my boyfriend just over a year, we fell in love instantly and I moved in 8 months ago. The problem started then for me. In the beginning we were having sex at least once a day and usually more. It was brilliant and I remember saying to him how happy I was to have found the love of my life who also shared the same sex drive as me. After I moved in the frequency diminished. I get that this is going to happen a little when the first throws of passion die down. After about 3 months of this and after finding porn sites on his laptop and feeling very rejected/confused I talked to him, out of the bedroom, non-confrontationally etc. He said he didn't know why it was, maybe stress. I talked about how it made me feel undesired. Since then its now become like its all I think about, how many days since we've last had sex etc. When it gets to a week I start to not only get sexually frustrated but can't understand why he doesn't have the same desire for me as I have for him and he used to ahve for me. Believe me I have bought lingerie and lubricants, they have worked short term. He does not have anything to be stressed about, he works little and we have a lovely life apart from this. We are the best of friends and so very much in love. I am so worried about later on in our relationship, after marriage and children when it diminishes apparently even more so. I have tried to just admit that are sex drives are different and tried not to dwell on it, but when I've spent time in the bath, looking after myself and then we go to bed and he falls asleep I cry. I initiate the sex 99% of the time. For the last three weeks I put a little test in play, I did not initiate sex and waited for him. He has initiated, we've had sex twice in three weeks. And when it happens it is great. Is there nothing more I can do? Relationships are about compromise and when I ask for it he makes an effort (how unsexy does that make me feel!) but I want to be desired more by him. Also I feel he does it just because he knows its important to me. On our 1 year anniversary was when we last talked about it, very candidly and I felt productively. He agreed that 2-3 a week was reasonable. I was happy we'd talked and thought after our holiday it'd be sorted. I'm yet to see this compromise. I haven't talked to him about it since as I feel its opening a sore wound and to no avail. Plus he says that when I bring it up it puts him off sex. Please some help from men and women would be so helpful. Thanks.

View related questions: anniversary, fell in love, libido, lubricant, moved in, porn, sex drive, sexually frustrated

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A female reader, MissyBoots  +, writes (15 June 2010):

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