A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Lately I feel like Im reconsidering my relationship with my partner of 1 year. I feel like here's not there for me in the way a partner should be some e.g. my parents are going through a divorce, when I try and talk to him about it, all he says is 'thats no good' and eventually I just change the topic, cause it feels like he's barely listening. I hurt myself recently and need help getting to doctors. Whilist he helped drive me there, he compained about how tired he was (after gaming till late in the morning), how his head hurt when he coughed and how I needed a car so I could drive myself (ignoring the fact I was limping and couldnt drive). He kept saying he didn't mind helping, all the while complaning and sighing non stop. I recently moved. He said he would help with everything, but eventually only helped with two large items, damaged them due to lack of care and impatience and let me and my mum to move everything else. We moved till 10 pm, to the third floor of a building on our own.he's also let his hygeine lack latley. The other day I had to ask him to clean his teeth after not doing it for two days. He clothes seem to consantly have marks or food spilt on them. He doesn't always shower daily.I feel very torn. I think about the good times we've had, or being without him and I know I love him in a way, but at the same time I feel I need someone who will consider my needs sometimes. He can be good in many ways, sometimes he'll buy me a doughnut, just because and he's always telling me Im pretty but...in some ways it doesn't seem enough. Am I being too harsh? Please help
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 March 2015):
 I am like Honeypie in this ( too ), I don't think you are too harsh for not wanting to be zapped unconscious by whiffs of dragons' breath ! OK maybe if he does not have time to shower every single day,- but a quick toothbrushing after meals ? Surely he can do that ?...Eeeeewww. That would be a dealbreaker for me. Even if he was helpful and supportive which he is not , or not enough for your tastes.
Ultimately ,you are the best judge of what really bothers you, and what really annoys you from a man. Everybody is different; for instance, the other things you mention would not faze me much. 1) I have moved many times, all by myself or with the help of paid professionals, ...precisely because in case, your SO damages your stuff, then you nevertheless have to THANK him... for having damaged your stuff :) 2) I hate being accompanied to doctors and hospitals, if the other person is nervous and scared, they make ME more nervous and scared, if they are placid and cheerful, ... I may not be in the mood to be up to their cheer. So I'd rather be alone , and/ or take a cab. But that's just me.
All in all, if you feel that your needs aren't fulfilled - you are probably right, because they are YOUR specific needs and you know there are other persons around who would take them more at heart and would be more attentive. If you perceive a general lack of interest and lack of attention from him , I don't think that buying you the occasional doughnut is enough to make up for that .Unless you are really crazy about doughnuts.
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (26 March 2015):
 Looks like your man has a gambling problem as well if he is "gaming" all night long. Like alcoholics, gamblers also lack empathy and tend to order their life around their addiction. You, the hygiene and much of anything else does not matter to these addicts; but rather lack of resources to keep the high or seclusion to work off their misery. If you have the energy, make a firm stand that he changes but given your family issues and energy that they are taking away from you I'm not sure if you want to. So yes, I see how you may want to abandon this relationship because it seems more of a burden than it's worth for. You would have to decide what to do because I always feel uncomfortable telling people to break up any bond without trying to fix it first.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 March 2015):
 The lack of hygiene would do it in for me. I don't get the whole being nasty and dirty. My hubby has a job that gets him pretty grubby on some days, but the first thing he does when coming home is shower and change of clothes.
The there is the whining for having the take you to the doctor, seriously?
As for not considering you and your needs, do you consider his? If you do and he is not really considering you, maybe it IS time to walk away.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 March 2015):
 You are not too harsh. You dont feel alright about this, and no one can tell you to stay in a relationship where you are not happy. These small things will eat away at the relationship, and cause resentment. He promised to help, then didnt/just complained. Such attitide is not what youre looking for in a boyfriend. I think you should be a bit critical of why you are with him. Caring about someone is not enough to make a good and long term relationship.
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