A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I would like to move in with my partner and he would like to move in with me but his father insists on using his name for everything and not putting his own name on anything. This is getting to a point that its seeming like we will never be able to have a tenancy together or a mortgage due to affordability checks. Because it will always be like he has two places. When brought up with his dad he is unwilling to budge on this one, he has always used his kids names since they were old enough. But his other children now don't talk to him and refuse to do this as obviously it is a burden. Which leaves my bf to be the only one. I'm starting to feel really fed up with it as my bf said he has to look out for his dad. He doesn't know exactly why but he doesn't question him. He has however said he'll need to change stuff into his name but its been two and a half years now and nothing looks likely to change. It makes me annoyed and like hes hiding things and it should not be any of my business but i want a proper future with my bf Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2024): At your age you are more than grown adults. You pay your way, you pay the bills, you pay the rent or costs, you sign any papers that make commitments and promises. Nobody else has any business to get involved or even give an opinion.
Unless you are relying on someone to help you pay bills etc there is no need for them to be interested or involved, and at your age you are old enough to put your money where your mouth is and do it just the two of you. If you are short of money get better jobs or work longer hours or both, don't ask people to help and then complain about how it turns out. I would not get involved in a relationship with a guy who wants to be in control but is short of money and expecting financial benefits from others, it means he wants the best of both worlds, is unreliable and immature.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 March 2024):
 Well, unless your BF STOPS allowing his dad to USE his name for property (why does he do that anyways? that sounds SUSS as feck! - you will not be having both your names on a place.
Can you not rent a place in your name and have your BF live there too?
If things go South, well the place is YOURS.
My question is this, WHAT happens if you two want to get married? Will your BF then be OK with buying a house with you? With not letting his dad use his name?
Also has the dad taken out loans in his kids names?
It's so suss!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2024): All the children have left the father and this is all the power he has left. Would it be worth exploring with him why he needs to do this? It sounds like there might be some fear on his part that everyone will leave him and he'll be all alone. Obviously you both need to be careful how you word things. Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2024): If you want a proper future with your boyfriend, get married already! Dad has been using the kids' names for a reason and they're not speaking to him for a reason. I'm not saying those two are connected, but you're right - it's none of your business! Put the place in YOUR name and you won't have to worry
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