A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The other night my boyfriend and I had plans for dinner. We talked about it in the morning and he seemed super excited about it. Well later on in the morning his friends asked if he could do a boys night in which he responded with “I don’t feel like getting into an argument with my girlfriend so I don’t think I can make it.” Then his friends went on to comment that he’s p***y whipped and that I never let him go anywhere.(which is definitely not true) I later on asked him if it’s ok that he stays home since we had plans and he said “Yeah I’d rather spend time with you anyway.” What I don’t understand is why did he tell his friends that and am I wrong for feeling upset about it? It just makes me feel like he says bad stuff about me all the time to his friends and it makes me feel unappreciated. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2016): Anon male: Would be great if more males responded. Perhaps you could encourage them? so in future they might not all feel the need to hide their cowardice behind the imaginary demands of someone they 'care' about aka the universal code. It's an excuse that causes real hurt (obviously for only 9 out of 10 women as you say).
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2016): Love how most of the respondents are women. Honeypie is spot on though. We men have a universal code that we can use the partner excuse to get out of anything we want to. No one calls the user of the line out as it would be mutually destructive as it allows a man to save face. It is also in your interest as he can spend more time with you. one in ten though do have a controlling partner though and their excuse is genuine
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2016): He just wanted to impress his friends probably, offhandedly like saying they're just a little more important than you are, but he has to say no anyway. I disagree with the other answer about guys not showing emotions; you choose to react how you choose to, and if you want to impress others then that's your problem and choice.
...............................
A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (18 November 2016):
While I know this is very common and I don't think he meant to offend you, I would definitely mention it. Simply say that you're worried that by using you as a scapegoat any time he doesn't want to say no to his friends, he is likely to make them think badly of you which isn't fair.
I know some guys are deathly afraid of being called 'whipped' or the like, but he's a grown man and should be able to tell his friends he is going to honour the plans he made with his girlfriend without having to make you the bad guy.
In my view, people make too many excuses for this sort of behaviour. Being honest and owning your decisions is a standard part of being a grown up - it sounds like it's time he learned that lesson!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2016): How do u know he had this conversation with his friend. Hes just being a boy about it. My seems to me like you read his messages and then tried to trick him into digging a deeper hole with sly questioning. Tell him outright why youre askimg.
...............................
A
female
reader, Eagle'sfan1986 +, writes (18 November 2016):
Wait a minute he made plans with you, but his friends ask him to hang out with you. Why doesn't he spend time with you and have date night with u. He can hang out with his buddies later on tought after dinner or the next day. You two can watch movies and cuddle together on the couch while eating dinner in front of the TV while having wine or champagne whatever u both like to drink. I think his friends need to understand that you aren't being selfish at all by wanting to spend time with him. Buy they don't need to text him and start talking smack about you at all. Did his text make it seem like he was siding with his buddies?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2016): Does he need permission to go out? Do you pout and carry on like a spoiled little-girl, after you tell him it's okay?
Does he get the silent-treatment; or is there a sex-drought if he doesn't bow to honey's wishes?
Just like women talk about their boyfriends to the girls on girl's night; it is likely he vents to his buddies. Is he supposed to hold everything in? Pretend everything is peachy-keen all the time? Does he have the perfect relationship and no girlfriend problems like all the other lads?
Yes, sometimes your buds come to the rescue; so you're not smothered to death and held hostage by tears and arguments.
He told you he'd rather be with you, but he also had to stave off their sneers and jeers. He has to man-up in-front of the guys. It's a guy thing. He still has to have the respect of the pack, my dear. He has to show he still has balls and you're not carrying them around in your purse. Just like you let all the girlfriends know you don't take crap from no man!
Men aren't allowed to show our emotions or explain how we feel. So we do guy-talk, often done in code. Everyone knows what it means without turning the girlfriend into a witch; unless she has proven it to be so, and they've witnessed it
first-hand.
Yes, the guys will call him p*ssy-whipped if that is how he responds to the pouting, whining, and nagging. If he always has to turn down invitations, and make excuses; they'll see right through him. They'll automatically conclude he's whipped. He will grow edgy and resentful. He'll feel trapped and emasculated.
I speak bluntly. I see things from all sides, and it is usually my point to give everyone benefit of the doubt.
I really try to avoid one-sided responses; when the OP gets to air their side, and the other party doesn't.
You don't know what he tells his buddies. You're assuming a lot out of a comment like "I don’t feel like getting into an argument with my girlfriend so I don’t think I can make it.” Which has probably been the case every other time. Otherwise; why would he want to badmouth his own girlfriend?
In a healthy relationship; neither party has to always be in the other person's orbit. Is there anything you should feel guilty of? If he demonstrated you come first, why would you create the argument he was trying to avoid in the first-place? He chose to make you happy. He probably didn't want to go, but had to put on a guy-face for the boys! Trust me, they know better. They've all been there, and done that. He's a man not a boy, and he could have just lied and went out; or decided "the hell with it!" The took whatever came at him. Yet he didn't.
No, I'm going to stick-up for the guy this time; because I stick-up for the ladies 90% of the time. Most have a very legitimate concern; but sometimes I see through jaded comments, and read between the lines. Even if I miss the mark completely; I will provoke thought, and sometimes I expose the truth.
Ignore the remark. He stayed home with you and that's all that matters. If his friends show you disrespect, make sure you tell him about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2016): You're in the transition when a lot of young guys act way more immature than their years. Unless he 'man's up'and treats you with respect then you may want to re-consider a future with him. His comments were disrespectful to you and he was quick to put your relationship down in front of his mates. Not cool. Not one bit.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2016): It seemed an ok answer to me.If youve arranged a night together and he had let you down for a night with the boys that would be a problem but he dropped it on them that he was going to be with you.He let them know that you come first.Of course they will say he's pussy whipped! Its something they aspire to and I would bet you they all expect to be invited to the wedding.If your fella seemssmugly contented then thats what it is.He is being pussy whipped on a regular basis while they go out on a desparate pull.Oh yez the tone is a little disrespectful but then thats why they are on a boys night out together because they still havent got the hang of proritising wife and family.Recognise jealousy for what it is!As they sunk there beers they probably secretly wished they could claim to be pussy whipped.Yes it is an insult but then thats immaturity and the power of the group.Imagine if you told your female friends you couldnt make it because you would be on a date with a dickNo you wouldnt .Youd just say you couldnt make it because you had plans!But thats the power of words for you and innuendo abounds.
...............................
A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (17 November 2016):
 Hes probably giving you shit about it to see how you would respond. You can serious and be hurt by it or you can smile and say 'Babe, you did the right thing. =P' or 'Pssst, those guys aint got nothing on me'. and laugh with him! and make him never forget that he made the right choice. Give him the time of his life that night--sex and movies and laughter.
Some guys open up to see how their girls respond, its not a test but hes your boyfriend---its okay that hes being open with you. Hes not expecting you to be upset, but he wants you to be proud he chosed you. BE PROUD indeed! and reward him. Hes being sweet, hes being funny, keep it light with your man. Dont make him walk around egg shells. Have fun =)
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 November 2016):
 I don't think you are wrong for feeling the way you do. I do however think it's quite common for SOME guys to make the GF the "bad guy" instead of just saying sorry, guys I have plans and I rather spend the evening with the GF.
I can't even remember how many times I have heard the "ball and chain" or "sorry I have to go home now or else" - I think some guys take it as a more "manly" way to turn down an offer or whatnot.
I think you should bring it up with him. And if he tries to dismiss as "it was just a joke" or "harmless" tell him you didn't think it was funny or harmless - because YOU are being made out to be some kind of controlling cow. Maybe he needs to hear that a few times.
...............................
A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (17 November 2016):
How often does he have guys nights out . I need a little more info before giving any advice sweetie ..If that's okay to ask
...............................
|
