A
female
age
30-35,
*ethanysue
writes:[Mod-Note:Names changed for privacy]Hey everyone! My long-distance boyfriend's best friend got engaged last night. For now it is a secret and Jeffery, my boyfriend, doesn't have all the details but we are both pretty mindblown over the whole thing. His best friend (Tom) and his girlfriend (Sally) haven't been together for long, only about five or six months, and haven't known each other for much longer than that. However, Jeffery and I have been in love for about two years, and together in some form (exclusively/non-exclusively) for ten plus months.We've talked about getting married before and that's the general road we are heading down, but the distance thing makes all that quite difficult as we live in separate states. As well as that, we're all pretty young - 19 years old - so getting engaged wasn't really going to be on my radar for at least another two years, though I would say yes if he asked me (I'd like a long engagement though! Long enough so that we'd both finish uni and I'd move back to where Jeffery is and trial living together before getting married). Hearing about Tom and Sally getting engaged has kind of made me think about it more though, and in a positive way. Anyway, I wanted to ask you guys - in your personal experience, when guys see their very good mates getting engaged, especially at a young age, does it tend to motivate them into doing the same or does it do the opposite? I know this is a very general question but I just wanted to hear some different examples/experiences of what effect this has had on different people.Thanks!
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (2 February 2012):
 No, it doesnt motivate them to get engaged I'm afraid. It doesnt do the opposite - he wont be put off getting engaged, but its not going to make him move any quicker either.
They are rushing their engagement, chances are they will be divorced before you know it. They cant know each other properly after 6 months, they are being very foolish. The highest divorce rates are in those couples that have been together under 1 year before getting married - so they are just adding to that statistic.
You seem fairly sensible - you know that you are too young for marriage and that you need to finish uni first. You are in a LDR as well so that is definitely not the right time to be getting engaged. So try not to worry about what his friends are doing and stick with the common sense that is in your head. They are being stupid and will end up divorced, whereas if you wait a few more years you will be far more likely to have a happier longer marriage.
The main things that contribute to a man's willingness to get engaged are:
- Age (maturity). The older he is the more mature he hopefully will be, therefore the more likely he will be to start thinking seriously about marriage and settling down.
- Money. Men think about money, a lot. They are not so obsessed with the romantic side of wedding/getting engaged like us girls - they think about money. Wedding are expensive, engagement rings are expensive. So he wont even think about proposing until he knows he can afford it. My boyfriend has picked when he is proposing based on when he can afford the ring! He couldnt care less about his friends getting married (he is 28 so a lot of them are), it is all about money for him.
Try and forget about this for now, what other people are doing is irrelevant. You should be getting engaged in a few years like you have planned because that is right for you and your boyfriend, rushing an engagement now would be pointless and put uneccessary strain on a relationship that will already be difficult enough because of the LDR situation. Relax and enjoy being together, your time to get engaged will come.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): I tend to think it's only when single guys get older - like into their 30s and beyond - that seeing their buddies getting hitched makes them want it more. That's because I think most men do want and see themselves "at some point in the future" being married and having a family because that's what we've all been conditioned to expect as a normal life and that to stay single forever or never have kids of your own is looked down on by society as meaning you're somehow defective. No one wants to feel that way, so I think men do want and assume that someday they will have the wife and family.
But guys tend to see this as something for the far away future, not the immediate future or here and now. so if the guy is still young, then I dont' think seeing his friends getting hitched makes him want it more. he assumes that he will himself get hitched and have a family some day anyway, so why the rush to do it now? instead he may pity his friend as being 'owned' by a woman!
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