A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone. So lately my boyfriend has brought it to my attention that we never hang out with my friends and that he doesn't really even know them or my family. Which is true. We've been together for 4 months and the only friend that he's ever met was by accident cause he ran into us at the mall. We usually just hang out alone or with his friends or family. He doesn't like this. He thinks that I'm hiding him or I'm ashamed of him or whatever. But that's not true, I'm just a naturally private person and I've always liked to keep different parts of my life separate. But he isn't buying this explanation. I kind of feel like this whole thing is gonna escalate into something bigger than it needs to be, but I'm just not comfortable with him meeting or hanging out with my friends. I just don't feel like it's necessary.Anyway, I was just wondering, do you think me not introducing him to my friends could have a negative effect on our relationship? Any advice or thoughts? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, kay stallings +, writes (16 July 2016):
I know this post was from years ago, but to anyone who might view this I have some advice of my own. My boyfriend felt left out because he hadn't met any of my friends yet. Mind you, he still hasn't introduced me to any of his. At first I was skeptical about it. Eventually he made me feel like I could trust him because he's done me wrong in the past and I've only been friends with her for a few months.At first it was innocent, he told me he'd never talk to her if I wasn't there. Then, here recently they've exchanged numbers, been talking on the phone for hours on end, and exchanging social media accounts. He kept trying to tell me, "I'm not going to leave you for your friend. What the fuck?" So I let it slide. All of a sudden he's deliberately making arguments with me. I've already had a relationship like this in the past. Guys do that when they're too much of a coward to break it off. They don't want to seem like the bad guy. I feel like he's planned this all along. Everytime I bring it up he gets so defensive like he knows he's in the wrong and he's one of those people who won't admit they've cheated until you catch them in the act. Last night I lost two people who I thought would care about me, but they both played me. I was just too gullible to see it. I'm not saying all guys are like that. I just wanted to share my story. Be careful out there.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all very much for your input. To answer a few questions: Yes, my parents and my friends all know about him. They know his name, where he goes to school, and how long we've been together. So he's not really my "dirty little secret." No, I don't have trust issues with my boyfriend. Granted, our relationship is relatively new, I do wonder about trust related things sometimes - but nothing major. I more so don't trust my friends when it comes to guys. Most of them are really good about boundaries, but there are a few who don't care and go after what they want regardless of whether or not he has a girlfriend. Also, I have no idea how long our relationship will last - but I definitely hope it lasts a long time. Anyway, I guess I'm going to give my boyfriend what he wants. Thanks again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): Yes definitely this will have a negative effect on your relationship.
Its only naturally that at a certain stage in a relationship there is enough trust present to introduce your bf/gf to your friends and family, otherwise you are never really allowing them into your life compeletly are you?!
Which suggests that you have trust issues with your bf. Do you feel the relationship will be short live, so whats the point??
He is going to think your heart is not fully in this relationship and walk away, because you are not inviting him into all areas of your life.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (11 June 2011):
Of course this will have a negative effect. He's going to think you are not sure about him or ashamed. Which is natural for him to think because you are hiding him.
Do your friends or parents know about him at least?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 Well, yes, how could he not be affected . I mean, I understand that you don't want to formally introduce him to your parents yet because that would put a premature , official spin on a fresh new relationship, but your friends ? ... What's the big deal if a new kid tags along with another bunch of kids for a movie or pizza or a day at the mall ? Why the need for all this " protocol " ?
Your bf eventually can't help feeling he is your dirty little secret , or you are ashamed of him, or you are planning to replace him anytime soon.
Sure, you are a private person and that's the way you are used to do things... but part of being a couple is exactly this ,learning to do new things, or old things in a new way, to a degree that's accceptable to BOTH.
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