A
female
age
30-35,
*rincess166
writes:my boyfriend is in a band and is currently on tour, he calls/texts me everyday to see how iam and tells me how his day goes. in his previous relationship of 6 years, he cheated on his ex twice. he only told me this a few days before he left on tour and said that he wouldnt cheat on me because he likes me too much and that he loves me. i asked him why he cheated and he said it was because he had way to much to drink. which isnt an acceptable excuse to me. i asked him whether he ever gets tempted on the road and he said "of course" and he asked what i get up and whether i get temped when iam back home and i tell him the truth, i hang with my girlfriends and enjoy my time and he seemed suprised that i dont flirt. when iam with someone iam never interested in anyone else.iam inlove with him!this is the first time i have ever felt anxious when he has left for tour and iam extremely insecure and anxious about what he gets up to now that i know he has cheated in the past.its starting to make me lose my confidence and i feel like i want to text him every minute to see what he is up to. i checked his face book and saw him comment a female childhood friend of his and commented with a smiley face =) i know its his old friend who he hasnt seen in ages but for some reason its making feel so sad and upset! i now feel like any contact with females is making me nervous that he likes them or is flirting with them and wants to be with them. he will be away for another 3 weeks and this is only day 2, i know my mind and i know that i will imagine wild stories in my head of what hes up to.am i overreacting and being unreasonable??can someone please suggest a way to help me cope?
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female
reader, LaurenAustralia +, writes (28 May 2010):
Hey there :)I know exactly how you feel. I was with my boyfriend for 2.5 years!! Then one night when he was drunk he told me I was the only girl he has never cheated on. I let it pass that night but the next day I found myself riddled with anxiety! I sat him down and talked to him about it. He had 1 serious girlfriend before me, for about 2yrs. He was in a professional football team at the time - kind of like your guy in the band. He said for 1 he knew she wasnt "the one"... and secondly I think when they are caught up in that type of scene they loose themselves and think they can do whatever they like because theyre "famous" and... of course hormonal and YOUNG!! Like the lady above me I often hear that "once a cheater always a cheater" thing.. but.. I think it's different when we are young and foolish.I am now engaged to this man and we have been together 4 years. Recently I became anxious again about the situation and he talked with me about it. Basically he has been honest with you which most guys would never ever admit to and a lot have done it!!! and yes, Trust! Being paranoid about little things is no way to live your life. If he really really loves you.. he wont do it. If he does do it then you will find out hopefully and you can move on.Good luck! I feel for you :)
A
female
reader, stellaforstar  +, writes (1 April 2010):
 I have to say you are not being unreasonable. His past behavior, and the fact that he is out of your sights would be enough to make even the most secure person question things. His facebook chat is, in my opinion, nothing at all to be worried about. Facebook is horrific for cheating partners but smiley faces are just that, smiley faces. Your boyfriend is allowed to smile. However, the fact that he has cheated before is cause for concern, that old phrase "cheater repeater" always sticks in my mind. That does not mean however that he will cheat on you. If you are both truly in love then you are his lady and he would never disrespect you. Ultimately it is your call; if you know in your heart that he adores you and would rather be snuggled up with you then you have nothing to fear. If you are still convinced however that he maybe loves himself that little bit more then there is a chance he would betray you. I am speaking from personal experience here, my boyfriend admitted to being unfaithful a lot in previous relationships but has said it would disgust him to ever be with someone else since we are bestfriends. Ultimately, (and i don't mean to be cliched...) trust is the key. Do you trust him not to break your heart? If you answer no then don't give him the opportunity. Even if he is faithful, if you can't get past the image of him cheating rather than just flirting it won't work. You don't want resentment to fester in a relationship. So either decide to trust him, or it isn't worth it. All the best x
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