A
female
age
30-35,
*runcha
writes:hey everyone.I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years now. At the start of the relationship he was so lovey dovey, would send me cute msgs and all those things, but now it seems like he thinks he doesn't need to do all that stuff anymore.I've confronted it to him many times that it seems like he doesn't make the effort anymore. And his response is always "things will change I'll make more effort" and it will start to be ok again then he will just forget. I always feel like im doing everything for him and give give give to him. He never buys me anything (not that i want him to!) like flowers or nothing. For my 21st birthday I really would of liked a ring from him (because im obsessed with rings)....not an engagement ring.... and everyone was telling him it was a great idea to get but his response to me was "everyone's hassling me so i'm just going to make you wait longer now"and i have asked him why he wont get me one and he says he doesnt know. But he's bought his ex girlfriends earrings and necklaces?I suffer from depression and try my very hardest not to be upset or sad around him but when something i get upset about and its not about him...straight away he jumps to conclusion and thinks its about him. Then turns it around to make it my fault that he got angry.He does sound horrible at the moment but hes not. I love him very much and i know he loves me. Its just these few things he does that drive me crazy!!So my question is does anybody relate to me? And should I just stop giving so much to him? Please no nasty answers. i didn't write this to be judged. Thank you :)
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ex girlfriend, flowers, his ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, bruncha +, writes (2 April 2011):
bruncha is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhonest man.thankyou that makes sense and helps :D
A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (1 April 2011):
"effort meaning me telling him i love him and sending him msgs and hugging him and things and just showing my love to him. im scared hes loosing interest in me"Try a different approach. Try hugging him and telling him that you Love when he hugs you. Tell him that you like when he send you messages. Tell him that you love when he shows you affection. This is a positive way of stimulating him into showing you small signs of affection. If you used to get upset, and tell him he no longer hugs you, no longer messages you, and show you affection, he will feel like if you are pressuring him to do such things. It seems like if you are manipulating him, and we guys Hate being manipulated into something. Avoid this approach. If he do send you send you a message, or hug you, try rewarding him with kind words, gestures, or even kisses. We men need to feel appreciated from time to time. I hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, bruncha +, writes (1 April 2011):
bruncha is verified as being by the original poster of the questionits annoying because the subject 'is boyfriend stopped buying me little presants'....this is not the case.
he doesnt buy me little presents all the time just on birthdays and other holidays which im not complaining about at all. so people are getting the wrong idea.
im talking about the ring to show an example.
im talking about that he doesnt make any effort with me anymore and i seem to be doing all the effort (NOT talking about presents)
effort meaning me telling him i love him and sending him msgs and hugging him and things and just showing my love to him. im scared hes loosing interest in me
sorry for the misunderstanding
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A
male
reader, honestman +, writes (1 April 2011):
"So my question is does anybody relate to me?"I really can't relate with you."And should I just stop giving so much to him?"The answer is NO. You should always give him more than you receive. That will make him love you more. Also, try teaching this to your boyfriend, so he also gives you more than he gives. That way, both will always be making an effort to please each other, even if you are not receiving what you give.Personally, me and my girlfriend have very low economic resources. I do give her gifts on her birthday [mostly things that she will use, like books, headsets, etc]. She gives me awesome sex on my birthday [and nice memories along it].I tend not to give her many gifts, because I don't want to buy her up, and don't wan't her to love me only for the things I give to her. I'm not that kind of consumerist, and neither do her. I do give her 1 flower the day least expected. She likes to be surprised with that flower. If you miss the stuff he used to give you, it might mean that you are more in love of those stuff than him. "And should I just stop giving so much to him? " sounds like some sort of blackmailing.May be he don't give you gifts that often because he is saving for a bigger gift for your birthday or a special holiday.
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (1 April 2011):
I like to buy presents for people when they least expect it, so they really appreciate it, like its a total surprise. If you keep telling him what you want and when you want it, he might feel there is nothing special in getting it for you, it just turns in to him doing what you are telling him to do. His comment about everyone hasstling him so he will make you wait longer sounds like this kind of thing. He doesn't want to be romantic on your terms, he probably feels like you are controling him. That's not what present giving is about. On the other hand, I have also learned that it is important to give your girlfriend gifts, to be romantic in a way that I might not think is special, but that she does. Your bf might not have learned that lesson yet. Try having a conversation with your bf where you tell him that you know it is up to him when he chooses to spoil you or get you presents, but that you miss that kind of romance in the relationship and don't want him to forget about being romantic. He can decide how he wants to choose to be romnatic, and he can do it in his on time in his own way, but if he neglects you, you will start to resent it. By the way, giving is said to be better than receiving.....Good luck.
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