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Boyfriend spread a secret around school

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 March 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 17 March 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, *aisy.AL writes:

I told my boyfriend, whom I tell everything to, that my best friend was pregnant. I assumed that he would keep this a secret, like he does with anything personal I share with him, but found out that he told his friends at school. My Pregnant best friend has chosen to get an abortion and to not tell her parents. Because of what my boyfriend said to his friends, one of those friends told my BFF's little brother that he heard she was pregnant.

Now my BFF is worried that her brother will tell her parents and she will get kicked out of the house.

Iam also hurt and angry that my boyfriend would betray my trust by telling his friends something that should NOT be spread around high school. I also don't understand what went through his mind....WHAT was he thinking?? My BFF is dealing with enough S**t as it is, she didn't need everyone to know about it.

I don't think my bf fully understands why Iam angry, which breaks my heart.

What do I do? Do I forgive him? But that would seem too easy and like he got away with it.

View related questions: abortion, best friend

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010):

It's really your responsibility this secret got out about your best friend and you should have kept it to yourself! apologize to your friend since it wasn't your boyfriend's secret to keep, it was yours.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (17 March 2010):

You told him though. Works both ways. If you're looking to punish him for it, just forget it. It won't work. No man in the history of the world has been bothered by so called 'female punishments'. We just get bored, and that's when our minds start to wander. Accept that you have both made mistakes in telling people, and forgive him. In the future, don't tell him anything about your friends. But don't think that you're letting him get off lightly. His punishment is that you can't tell him things in the future about your friends. Take it further, and he'll just become more confused and then bored and angry. It will solve nothing.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (17 March 2010):

Honeypie agony auntI kind of agree with The good doctor there ( Dr. Reality Check)

YOU were the one to pass on the information about your BFF.

Learn from this lesson and have some respect for things friends and family tells you that you KNOW you need to keep to yourself.

You BOTH owe her an apology. Like being pregnant and/or having an abortion is hand enough, the people that she thought she could trust turns out to be absolutely untrustworthy.

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A male reader, Dr. Reality Check United Kingdom +, writes (17 March 2010):

Dr. Reality Check agony auntWell, in fairness, this is as much your fault as it is your boyfriends. You say yourself that this was a SECRET, which your best friend told you in confidence. You then told the secret to someone else you were close to, and he then told it to someone he was close to. Go figure. You say if you forgive him, he's getting away with it, but from my perpective it's you who started this whole thing rolling in the first place. I gotta say, I agree with your boyfriend on this one. He doesn't fully understand why you're angry, as you told him a secret you weren't supposed to tell, and he did the same thing. You're as bad as each other, so why should be apologise to you? If anything, both you and he should apologise to your supposed best friend.

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