A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello I was wondering if someone can help me. My bf had an ex who he was with two years and he spent over thirthy thougsand pounds on her to make her happy and he doesnt spend that much on me...does that mean he doesnt love me as much?He spent money giving her all the things that she wanted and all the things that he thought she wanted. he paid her rent and also bought her a mobile phone, a bed and a phone and with me he gets me books and chocolate for my birthday...what does this mean?Does he not love me as much?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): I spent loads more on my ex than I do on my fiance. Why? Because I thought my ex was going to leave me all the time so did everything I could to make him think he should stay with me. Of course he took advantage of that, used every excuse he could not to get a job, etc. I ended up paying for everything in the end, and he still dumped me, but only after living off my money for 8 years or so. I don't need to spend stupid amounts on my fiance, we are even and we share things. Of course I treat him, etc, but it's reciprocal. A real relationship isn't about material things. Don't feel bad about your bf's ex, the circumstances could well have been like mine. It's unhealthy and dangerous. A good relationship isn't built on paying for the other person and it doesn't reflect how much you value someone.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): If he's incredibly rich, he probably realised that doing that for a woman didn't build a good, equal relationship, so he's trying to do things differently with you. If he's not incredibly rich, he's probably now broke or even in debt and has realised he can't afford to buy someone's love again. It's a good thing! I'm currently dating a guy who's in about 40000 pounds of debt after buying his girlfriend of 9 years anything she wanted. He can't believe he was that stupid and would never do it again. A relationship based so heavily on money can never work.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): Maybe he thinks 'once bitten twice shy' sort of thing. He might have loved her at the time of spending on her or she might have insisted upon it. Maybe you and he have not reached that deep stage in the relationship yet or maybe he feels he spent too much on her and doesn't want to make the same mistakes. Look at how he treats you as an indicator of how he feels. He is not with her now, even though he spent all that money. That said, he should not be mean with you either as being mean with money without good reason can reflect being mean in spirit apparently. Is he respectful of you? Is he compassionate? How does he view your relationship? My ex spent a lot more on his ex wife than he did on me but that was because she got him used to doing it from when they were young but they didn't love each other in the end. It doesn't mean he loves you less. It could mean he is just being cautious though. My ex told me that his ex wife associated money and generous gifts with love so he did that because that is what she wanted. He bought me expensive presents but treated me badly at times and I would rather have had the compassion and respect than all the gold and diamonds he bought me. Books are quite a thoughtful gift I must say and for me that would suggest (depending on the books he buys) that he feels he has a mature, respectful connection with you and an understanding. It is hard to answer your question fully without knowing the financial circumstances a bit more ie was she broke hence he helped with the rent. Do you earn more? Did he see her as a depending type and you as independent? Not sure if this is any help but it might give you some food for thought and no doubt you will get some better answers from the others on here. Good luck x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 February 2010):
It means he's probably broke or that he is worried about spending that much on a woman again until he is sure the relationship is going somewhere. Have patience and see where this all leads.
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