A
female
age
41-50,
*ariposa28
writes:Dear Cupid,I'm so devistated right now. I have begged my fiancee to watch porn with me but his excuse is that he has me so he doesn't need to watch it. But just last night I caught him in the bathroom watching porn and relieving himself. That really hurt my feelings that he lied to me like that. It made me feel unworthy and it is taking a toll on my self esteem. I want to talk to him about it but I don't know how to bring it up to him because I don't want him to get mad at me. Can you please help me before this ruins my relationship. Oh by the way that wasn't the first time i've caught him watching it alone without me.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (22 March 2010):
 Sorry, only responded to your last question.... again, sometimes people want to watch pornography alone, because they want quick stress relief, they don't want to feel obligated to have long loving sex with their partner afterwards.
They also don't want to have to moderate the type of pornography they like and have to find something more suitable for a couple. They want a few moments to themselves to enjoy being sexual and having a quick orgasm. They don't want to deal with the questions that come afterwards, like "do you fancy the porn star", or "is pornography better than sex with me", or even "shall we do the same pornography things in the privacy of their bedroom.
Sometimes people just want to have a quick thrill, with noone involved and nobody watching them. Same as when your reading a book or newspaper, it irritates like hell when somebody reads it over your shoulders and you have to wait to turn over the page.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (22 March 2010):
Okay, is it ok for him to have sex with you, with no foreplay at all. Can he thrust as hard as he can, not care about your feelings and not slow down until he has an orgasm. Can he have anal sex, bend you upside down and have you kiss his ass... Can he take 10 seconds to come, and then turn over and go to sleep, with not one word of love, and you are not allowed to speak, and if you do, all you can say is that he's the sexiest man in the world.
Porn women do all this in fantasy and more. He feels horny, he can put on a video, take a couple of seconds and have an orgasm and then go on with his day. In his imagination he can make the woman do all the things that would disgust him if they were real. When he masturbates he can go as hard or soft as he likes, there is no demand to be kind or patient to you and make sure that you like it too.
Porn is a very good stress reliever, people that watch it look more at the sex acts and mostly are not interested in what the people look like. Watching people have sex is horny, and it's not something you get to do often with a partner. Masturbating to pornography is quick and easy, sometimes you want a little relaxing orgasm, not the big noise, big bangs ones that take an hour and need preparation, foreplay and lots of loving that you usually do with the man or woman you love.
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A
female
reader, Mariposa28 +, writes (22 March 2010):
Mariposa28 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well we talked about it. He told me that he only watches it to get a quick relief, but i still feel like he has me so why watch porn for that reason. i am willing and ready for when he feels like he needs to relieve himself. that's all i want to do is be physically with him. i love feeling the connection we have when we make love. i also keep telling him i would love to watch porn with him but he continues to give me the same excuse. I just don't understand why he tells me that he doesn't want to watch porn because he has me then he turns around and watches it to relieve himself. Isn't that contradicting to what he says?
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (26 February 2010):
 Your complaint is not the same, most wives made about her husband watching porn. Your point is this:I have begged my fiancee to watch porn with me"...means you want to share, you want to make communication more alive and intimate. It is very good, really really very admirable of a wife, who want to share.
Where as your partner is entirely on different plane, he himself believed, that watching porn is not good, which he think, may hurt female's ego. or he himself think, So, what here required is two point, one is about 'cognition' or vision about sexual subject, and 'communication'.
You can discuss with him, remembering that not in form of 'argument'...which will not work. But, discussion about sex, how much it is enjoyable, and how far you both can go to make more and more 'pleasurable'.
Obviously, it is sharing the subject can make subject more vibrant. He will not believe you, if you say, you like porn. He will think, you are testing him. Here honesty is the only policy, that work. You show your honesty, land call for his.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (26 February 2010):
 You have to take some risk but if you are not judgmental in your views of him , you should have no problems.
First, you ask about his views and then you will ask him to listen to your perspective. He will learn where you stand or your limits and boundaries.
But if you sense that you are losing control then change the subject.
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A
female
reader, Mariposa28 +, writes (26 February 2010):
Mariposa28 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Laura1318,
How can i bring it up without seeming judgmental towards him because i'm not. when i bring it up i dont want it to put a hole in the relationship.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (26 February 2010):
Your boyfriend is probably unsure of how you will react if you know he is watching porn.
Most men would deny it in front of their g/f's that they are watching porn even if they are secretly doing it. To admit it would lower their moral standards or be viewed in a negative manner.
You need to communicate to him about your views and let him know where you stand on this issue.Let him know your limits and boundaries.
When he is in a good and right mood, bring up this issue and asked about his opinions and then tell him yours. You will then understand each other better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): Get a DVD, get in something sex, put on the TV and get him in the room. He should get the point. Get naked and jump him. make it about him, and make it safe for him to relax and let his hair down. He's probably worried about how you'll react to him getting horny seeing another woman naked.
It sounds like he's been wounded previously by a woman about porn...
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A
female
reader, Mariposa28 +, writes (26 February 2010):
Mariposa28 is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondear anonymous,
well he shouldn't think that way because he pleases me all the time. i just think watching it together would bring us closer intimately and emotionally because we can do something together without feeling ashamed.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): Don't let it affect ur self esteem its not personal. Almost every guy in the world watches porn at some point its not anything to do with u!Also maybe he didn't want to watch it with u because he has his own concerns that he may not be able to "perform" like they to in the porno's and he'll let u down.
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