A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just got a new job, which is great but it does now mean I'll be working on the weekend. My boyfriend had asked me to keep Valentine's day free, I said I would, but I need this job and the money because of personal reasons. My boyfriend now says that he's tried of me cancelling plans (by definition of plans, it's normally me just hanging at his house, not actually dates). I don't ever leave him for friends, it's always something important like a last minute lesson.I said we can be together Friday instead. He now says I have to plan what we were doing for Valentine's day (I asked if we could have a picnic, low key, organise it together). He says I have to organise the food, activities, the basket he had asked to borrow from his family, everything. I feel like it's just a cop out cause he didn't really want to plan it in the first place. I'm in tears, it's not just because it's Valentine's Day, I get its a commercial holiday, but I feel like this is just a cheap way to get out of it all. Am I overreacting?
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male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (13 February 2015):
 I hadn't seen your original post, and reading that along with this post makes me change my advice slightly.
It seems he wanted Valentine's Day to be important, so that leads me to believe that he is putting the effort into the relationship.
However I still find his actions childish. Work does sometimes come in the way of things. You tried to keep the day free, but you need the money that the job will bring, so he really needs to be more understanding.
Suggest an alternative day/evening that you can guarantee you'll be available on.
A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (12 February 2015):
 Please re-read my response on your first post about it :)http://www.dearcupid.org/question/its-our-first-valentines-together-but-i-might.htmlThis job is more important and you should still have an hour or two spare to spend with each other.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (12 February 2015):
He sounds like a very selfish person.
Are you not available in the evening on Valentine's Day? That's when people usually go out and do things.
Why should you have to organise everything? It doesn't make any sense. If you aren't available on that day, tell him when you are available and you can do something then instead. I don't see why he finds it such a big deal.
Normally it's women who enjoy Valentine's Day because they like to be wooed by their bloke. It's the guy's opportunity to pull out the stops and show how much he feels for his lady. I'm afraid your boyfriend's actions are speaking loud and clear.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 February 2015):
 I agree!
Congrats on the new job! That is awesome!
I think it's a shame that he doesn't understand how important having a job is to you. And that is IS using it as a cop out. How does you having to work equate that you have to do the planning? Why can't he?
I have never celebrated Valentine's - my husband and I do gag gifts and I'm quite OK with that. I don't think anyone NEEDS a day to show true affection. BUT I also DO think that IF you are a romantic, it's a GREAT excuse to go above and beyond with showing it.
My guess is, HE is putting it all on you, making the idea of Valentine's a NEGATIVE thing for you, to get you to say.. no worries let's not make a big deal out of this. SO HE doesn't have to put forth an effort.
Whether you PLAN for it Thursday or Friday, shouldn't matter (unless you have booked a week end away starting Thursday or a nice restaurant, but even a booking at a restaurant can get changed a day)- My second guess is, HE had nothing planned. And he is gleefully putting it on you to plan, as punishment for having gotten a job.
Is he always this petty?
Now I'm also not saying that ONLY guy can plan for Valentine's - BUT "traditionally" that is how it goes.
Does he not work? Does he not have an income?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 February 2015):
 Firstly CONGRATULATIONS ON GETTING THE JOB!
Its a shame it means you will be working on Valentines Day rather than celebrating the day of romance hanging out with your boyfriend at his house.
It is also a shame your boyfriend, rather than congratulating you on getting that job, has decided to be all mealy mouthed and mean.
I'm with you, he is cheap and he is using your new job as a cop out.
You are not overreacting. He sounds just horrible.
Make some lists, on one side of a sheet of paper list all the good things about your relationship, on the other side write the words "he is a mealy mouthed meanie" at the top of the list and under it list the negative or bad things.
Compare the lists and make a decision if this is the year to give yourself the treat of a clean slate, or if he is worth having as a boyfriend. Remember, you don't have to accept second best.
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