A
female
age
30-35,
*ozza123
writes:Hi, i know ive posted a similar question about this problem before but here it is. I had an abortion in May 2010 and since then and especially recently i have had the overwhelming desire to have a baby. Part of me now is desperate for a child and i cry and get upset because i dont have one. I am currently using the contraceptive implant and have considered having it removed behind my boyfriends back but i know this would be wrong and wouldnt be fair on a child as they would grow up without a dad (possibly). I feel the abortion has had a huge affect on my life because all i think about is having children, i am only 21 but i feel bitter and angry that i dont have them !!! I feel that i ended the previous pregnancy very quickly and i didnt give myself enough time to come to a proper decision. I ended the pregnancy because i didnt think we had enough money.I get mixed messages from my boyfriend as he says that he loves me but doesnt want to get married as he doesnt like weddings and doesnt want children and says he would leave me if i fall pregnant again. He even once said that he would never have sex with me again unless i consented to another abortion if i accidently fell pregnant again. I was devestated when he said this and cried for weeks alone and hurt. Ive tried to tell him about the affect the abortion is having on me but he says its no different to taking a morning after pill and that i should get over it.Do you think my boyfriend is wrong to behave in this manner ? He says he loves me but the thought of me being his wife or having a family with me is obviously his worst nightmare. Weve been together 6 years !!I feel i may end up leaving him in the future as it could be the only way i will have the family i long for. Sorry its so long but thanks for reading x x
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 And, even if he were wrong ?...
It is what it is. He sounds totally adamant about not having children. To the point of telling you that he'll leave you if you get pregnant again, and he'd only stay if you'd consent to a second abortion. Clearer than that ...! He's no family guy.
If having children is so high in the agenda for you (... but, btw, obviously your financial status should have improved since May 2010 ) he is definitely NOT the right mate for you.
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 Having an abortion is difficult and emotionally wrenching - as you are experiencing. If your boyfriend definitely does not want to have children, and isn't about to marry you, you really have a huge "disconnect" with him and need to think about ending your relationship pretty soon. It can't go anywhere given these differences. You are hurt by his cruel and callous attitude, understandably so.
Only thing is, at least you know now where you stand with him - cold comfort though it is.
DON'T remove your implant and get pregnant anyway! Bad idea!
Listen: I know you feel guilty over having the abortion and desperately want a child. But hold on! Get some professional counselling to support you in working through your grief and anger. You ARE only 21, so you have plenty of time to meet another man who WILL want to marry you and have children!
You and a baby would be MUCH better off under those circumstances......Happier and the little one would have the loving support of two parents to bring him/her up.
For right now, please, try to forgive yourself for ending your pregnancy. That's important. Give plenty of thought to the future and don't let your longing and guilt "railroad" you into doing something rash. Once more, do please find a good, sympathetic counselor you can thrash all this out with.......
Take care.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2011): Sometimes people don't want the same things.
Relationships come in stages. You have to find BOTH of you together in each of those stages. But both of you want different things and will be in different places in the future.
Right now you both might be very happy together, but what about in a few years? You can't date someone thinking you will change them....you have to accept them for who they are.
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