A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend of five years have recently started having problems. We both enjoy sex and usually have it once every day or two.A couple months ago he started this thing where I'll be touching him and going down on him but he is surfing the internet on his laptop at the same time. It really bothers me because it feels like I'm not good enough for all of his attention. Today I asked him why he did it and told him it bothered me. He got really mad at me for mentioning it and that he felt I was trying to be a therapist. I literally only asked why he did it and if he could stop because it bothers me.He said that he doesn't feel anything for the first 20min of sex. Since we've been having sex for so long, he said he doesn't get turned on just by looking at my naked body (I have a slim athletic body type too) anymore. He said that he has to concentrate on something else because if he only concentrates on what I'm doing it won't work.Please help. I don't understand why he thinks this. Why doesn't he feel anything for the first bit? What can I do to make our sex lives better?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): This is ridiculous, the problem is not just you, the problem is him at least.This is highly disrespectful of the person you are with, ginormously in fact.Get someone who respects you, wants you, likes you, and values you, loves you...and treat him well.Your bf sounds like he has problems and he needs help, but he's got to do that work, you can't do it for him.Yeah, he probably needs a therapist.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's only 26! He actually isn't looking at porn at all. He's looking at sites relating to one of his hobbies usually. If he was watching porn it would be a different situation all together.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 April 2011):
 When you say going down on him, I presume you mean blowjob? And he then has to CONCENTRATE on something ELSE then the girl in his lap to make things happen?
Just how old is he?
And when you say he got really mad. Just how mad are we talking about?
And with the internet, do you mean porn? Because if he is reading up on LHC latest discovery to get a boner... well... who can blame him. That is exciting stuff. Higs Bozon. Hubba hubba!
One thing that can happen, porn or not is that people loose the thrill in the simple things in life. When you have chocolate thrust in your face every day for breakfast, you might not like it anymore. Porn itself can create so much diversity that the real deal just doesn't do it anymore, for the spoiled bitches in life.
And you been spoiling him. For MONTHS you have gone down on him, innitiating sex, for "free" while he did his thing. Where is the chase? Has he had to "earn" the sex? You don't say but I sorta assume he is not exactly the most generous lover. How much work does he put into things in general?
Sometimes that which comes to easy to us, looses its value.
Since he clearly doesn't appreciate what he has got. Remove it. Either he shapes up or he doesn't. If he doesn't. Well that tells you how much he values you. Do you want to be with someone who takes you and sex with you so much for granted that he surfs the internet during it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): I should say no to this guy. This is rubbish! You dont treat a lady like this. He's using you and not appreciating your body at all. If he was, his attention would be focused on you and he wouldn't get upset for you addressing the issue appropriately. Don't stay around and "fix" him up. I think he has some psychological issues possibly and that requires help. Best on this sweets. Very sorry about this.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (25 April 2011):
 Oh dear. By surfing on the laptop, I assume you're talking about porn? I doubt he's looking at stock quotes or dancing babies on Youtube during fellatio.
You can't do anything except drop this guy, because you've already confronted him on his behavior and he's making excuses on why it has to continue.
Basically, you are to him what a vibrator is to a woman - a sex toy. He is "using" you to masturbate with while he is thinking about other women as stimulation. He's already told you that you don't turn him on. Basically, he's using you so that he doesn't tire his own hand out.
Do you know that there are guys who would kill to be with you, and I guarantee that they would only be thinking of you during sex. But like the frog in the pan, you've become desensitized to the downward spiral your relationship has been going in.
I wouldn't be asking what you could do to make the sex better if a guy ever dared to say those things to me and to actually have the nerve to become angry that I want his full and undivided attention. I would be telling him "good luck with your laptop, you ungrateful pig" and getting the hell out of there.
He is a porn addict. That's why you're not doing it for him. He needs more stimulation than is humanly possible, and you need a guy who is actually into you and doesn't even think of surfing while you're trying to have sex with him.
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