A
female
age
36-40,
*issGemini
writes:Me and my bf have been together for 7years and when we first started dating he made me feel so sexy and desired I knew that his past gfs had been skinny and stuff and everyone said I wasn't his type he likes barbies but we ended up together and he always said I was sexy pretty ect. Well fastforward through a rocky relationship to about a year ago he hadnt really been into sex anymore and never said anything like wow babe ur hot or pretty ever ! it started to get to me I asked him why her never said those things anymore ? was I not pretty or sexy anymore? After he played dumn thentalked in circles for a hour I repeated the ?and said a simple yes our no was what I wanted he got all pissed off and said «what do u expect me to say? No your not sexy and ur not beautful and ur no beautyqueen ? U dont have a rockin body ur fat and u dont dress sexy and u dont carry ur self in a sexy way» he didnt say those things to me because they were not true? .....i was devastated ! We split for a min but winded up together again. I cant get those words out of my head ....im not the most confadent person I know im heavy and my boobs are small and stuff but I always thought I was pretty in the face and I'm not a house im just a lil thick ya know .....now its been a on again off again issue between us ....he backpedaled and said he didn't mean it and he only said it to lash out @me b/c he felt attacked and all this blah blah .....so yesterday we were talking and he said something about a ex of his and her looks and the way she dressed and I asked him if all his gfs were prettyer sexyer ect than me after a annoyed sigh he finally said yeah they were =,0 yeah well I just kinda shut down after that I feel ugly hopelessly unsexy and alone I feel like he is setteling for me b/c he thinks he cant get better ....ive tried to be more girly dress up the way I know he likes and stuff I always wrar makeup I smell good and ive lost alot of wight ....it dosnt matter he never says anything I never get a reaction or complament .....how can I be confadent with that in my head ....+ hes alwsys saying stuff like if your boobs were bigger than maybe you would be sexy.....I love him but idk what to do we cant talk about it @all he gets all pissed off he wont make any effort to show hes sorry or to be more thoughtful, he says `i do think your pretty and sexy I tell you that all the time iwouldnt be with you if I thoutht you were ugly '....but I figure he just thinks he can't do better b/c hes40(im 25) living with his parents and not really moving upin the world ....iwant so badly to be sexy and wanted by him and no mater what Itry it doesn't work.... ..im @ a loss help!
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (8 June 2012):
you deserve WAY better!!! it doesnt matter what size you are you are still a human being who should be treated with respect and dignity. you would be better off alone, at least if you are lonely nobody is messing with your head or telling you crap to make you feel worse. trust me, I had an ex like yours who used to go on about his exes, in the end I dumped him, yes it still hurts to think of the crap I left him say to me and I deeply regret leaving him sooner, but the way you have to look at it is you can continue to waste your time on him or you can cut your losses NOW and make yourself free to find someone better. good luck and remember you are so much more than what he says x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2012): You are taking it all on yourself. If these ex girlfriends were so great why isn't he with them any more? And you probably look fine but he is critical, which is his problem.
Try to think about what YOU want and whether he meets your needs, rather than just whether you meet his needs.
You could also work on your self-esteem and then if you get to believe in yourself more you will care less what others say. There are self-help books, things on the internet and there's counselling, all of which could help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2012): He's pathetic and you should leave him. Your insecurities are only feeding his ego, since he knows you'll stay with him no matter how many insults he throws in your face. Get a guy your own age. What kind of dumbfuck tells his girlfriend that if her boobs were bigger she'd be more sexier? Dump him. Don't waste another breath on him. Who is he to judge anyway? You're so much younger than him, if he wants even younger then something is wrong with him. You need to get it through your head that is he D-I-S-R-E-S-P-E-C-T-F-U-L and the more you jump around him, asking him how sexy he finds you, the more he will degrade you because he gets a kick out of it. End it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2012): your only 25? you need to leave him and find yourself a man who will apreciate you for who you r.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): Without being rude, to be honest he's 40, how greater shape can he be in to put you down who's in your 20's?! He says these things to you perhaps not to hurt your feelings but to give you "Kick up the backside" to change aspects of your appearance, non the less he isn't just saying this lashing out, he must think this about you for those to be the immediate words he used to describe you, not to mention comparing you to his ex's. Which clearly means he doesn't love you for who you are and is with you hoping you will become someone he will love. He sounds like a very selfish person and to be honest there is plenty of men out there who will love you for who you are because they're genuine and are looking for genuine love with a woman they have things in common with and get along with and not because they look like a barbie doll that makes them feel good when they walk down the street. I personally think you can do better! By all means if you aren't happy with the way you are then change for yourself, but don't change just to suit him or make him love you, he should love you regardless but clearly he doesn't and for that I say he isn't worth the time you're wasting with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): To be honest I didn't read your message, just the title. If you two have a great relationship and all his exes were more attractive than you, that just shows how much he loves you and that's wonderful. However if he's insulting you and comparing you to his exes, then he's a jerk you need to dump. If you're unhappy with your weight, you can lose weight. I've seen friends done it. Size 20 to size 4 so it's not an excuse. If he's calling you ugly, know that it's not true and he's the one with self esteem issues. Even boyfriends will belittle their girlfriends to make themself feel better. Find someone new, respectful, and deserving of you.
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