A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I previously posted a story about this but there have been further developments. I truly need a lot of feedback on this one because this is ongoing and currently changing on a day-to-day basis. My boyfriend that I met in college lives 1,000 miles away from me and recently came to visit me in my hometown. I spent 2 weeks in advance planning for his visit to make it perfect..I was so caught up in making it perfect that when he came to visit me for the 7 days that he was here I ended up making 3 of those days miserable. Why miserable? Because I was pmsing and getting upset over insignificant things. When I become stressed I often do this..however it does not happen regularly it usually happens when I am extremely overwhelmed. I love this guy deeply. However, after my behavior I noticed he acted a bit different. Especially the day before his departure back to home. I realized I hurt him. I feel so sorry for my actions. Now, these actions have caused our relationship to suffer...our happiness has been completely wiped..and now he is telling me that my behavior shocked him and hurt him deeply. He claims he is re-evaluating us as a relationship and especially me as a person. What do I do? Friends and family have told me to wait. My boyfriend told me he loves me and still considers me his girlfriend but he is trying to find the heart to forgive me, however, he feels that he doesn't know me as a person anymore because I never showed him this stressed side of myself. The issue here is that I am much happier at school (college) than at home because at home I deal with stressful issues with my parents, work, money, etc. I have explained this to him but he has permanently created a grudge against me for my behavior. I even went out and bought him a stuffed animal, a card of apology, and his favorite chocolate the next day after the incident. We spent our time right before he left happily. What happened? Why is he taking his time now? I am so worried this relationship will go to waste...he tells me he wants to be with me and that he doesn't want a break or a break up but that he internally can't let go of the fact that he thinks I haven't been myself. What do I do? Help...I really am lost on this one. I sent him a care package with a letter inside...hopefully that shows him who I am. Sincerely,Ineedofhelp
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 July 2010):
I'll tell you, breaking up so he can 'figure things out' still won't work. You didn't suddenly find out who you were in 7 days. That's rubbish. People have off days. People get bad. I went to visit my girlfriend in May and we had a bust up. But I was there, trying to fix it. Sure enough, after a day of talking, there was't a problem and we were back on track.
Couple argue, couples get back. You will have days like this in any relationship. But he didn't stick it out. He just walked. That was it. He gave up. You can't have that in a partner. If he'd cared that much, he would have tried to work it out. He's not good enough for you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): For example I said to him "Don't tell me how to drive, when I come visit you, you drive the way you want...stop attacking me on every little thing I do its annoying"...something along those lines...it would be little scuffles like that that eventually convinced my partner that I am permanently like that...that I am never happy and never positive. But the question, did I fake all the other months who I really was outside of those 7 days? Should I break it off so he can figure things out? Anytime I utter the word 'break' he can't stand it. Thanks for the responses to my question.
Ineedofhelp
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 July 2010):
I'm sorry, but if he can't accept the bad times with the good, then he's not worth your time.
Couples have arguments, couples have problems, couples go through a lot of things together that aren't always good. But what makes a relationship last is whether you can handle the good with the bad. That's how a relationship works.
You were upset, and he didn't do anything to help. My girlfriend was upset a few weeks ago with work, and I got the back end of it. But I didn't dump her. I just took it with good grace and we talked about it and then there was no problem.
If he can't take the good with the bad, then he's not good enough.
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A
female
reader, johannabanana +, writes (22 July 2010):
 If he cannot work through the challenges with you then he isn't the right guy to be with. Being a couple isn't about the good times. It is about being with a person that makes you happy, but will stick around when you look stressed or messed up. If he questions your whole relationship or that then you didn't have much together in the first place.
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