A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a bit of a problem right now with my boyfriend and any help would be appreciated. So we've been dating for almost 4 months and we live about 40 minutes away from each other. Now, we're not used to seeing each other every day but usually 1-2 in the week and talking almost every day on the phone.Today as I write this, it's Friday [4-30-10]. The last time we saw each other was around...Tuesday/Wednesday [4-20/21-20] of last week. The last real phone conversation was this Tuesday [4/27/10]. So it's been almost two weeks we've seen each other, but we're both college students and I also work part-time so I understand we can't always see each other.The problem comes in that he's had this best friend since high school whose getting a divorce and going through some hard times and he's helping her out. I have no problem whatsoever with this, but lately she's grown very dependent on him; borrowing money, asking for rides - though she has a car HE paid for; asking him to hang out with her and her family; calling in hysterics almost every day. They were never romantic, but she was there when he went through some hard times in high school so I understand why he helps her but it's beginning to affect us.Two nights ago I called him to talk and he promised to call me back "right, right away"...30 minutes later he called and I was sleeping but he left a voicemail saying that he was sorry but she called him crying and hysterical.I really needed someone to talk to that night. But apparently since I wasn't crying and hysterical, he could call me "right" back.I understand he has priorities, I do too; but I feel like he's just been putting her ahead of us.Again, we have not seen each other in almost 2 weeks and whenever I suggest we hang out he's busy, so I stopped suggesting. Thursdays I work until 2 and he has class until 2, so I was hoping we could get together but when I called him he was already on his way to Indiana (we live in Illinois) "with a friend to run errands". Nothing else. I joke that I wouldn't have minded going with and he says "I know babe, but it's business."Last night he called and something was obviously wrong with me, he asked if I was okay and I replied I was fine. End of story. Our "conversation" was 10 minutes long and half of it was in silence. He mentioned we have not seen each other in a long time but made no attempt to actually make plans.I'm pushing past hurt and entering angry.I try to talk to him but can't seem to find a rational, not angry to the point of saying something mean, voice.Help.I know this is just going to get worse unless I say something because he's obviously oblivious to this.
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female
reader, goowes +, writes (30 April 2010):
 Get strong be ready for any trauma, look up the signs of cheater, make your boundarys of what is okay with you and not known to him. Never chase a man they hate it or be needy. Go get yourself some facials or nails improve your life show him you could be lost. If he doesn't work with you, he's not the right one. Sounds funky, don't get paranoid or emotional, get informed and stronger. Learn don't cry.
A
female
reader, princessofGod43 +, writes (30 April 2010):
 Let me ask you some questions...do you love him, trust him,want to spend time...i always use to get angry instead of saying like the hysterical lady he's dealing with...with a baby's voice sweetheart i miss you and i really am feeling neglected by you right now and it is driving me to tears...is it unusal to just be humble and real instead of the negative emotion...because what you want is not a fight but a make up night or a date so be more soft and needy...because you do have an unmet need...him around you...so don't make him think all you guys will do if he comes is fight about her...she is no one right now unless you open the door for that..hey life is short and not only that if he was not here tomorrow would you think about what you said today or how you acted towards him when you last spoke..well honey...this is how we must always think because tomorrow is promised to no man!! God Bless
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