A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:2 weeks ago I split up with my boyfriend of 4 years for cheating. He begged foregivness for days none stop, txting, calling, emailing, stopping by the house, said he'd do anything and eventually came up with the idea of getting a tattoo of my name to show everybody how much he loved me and how much I meant to him.I agreed to this and took him back thinking that would seal it, we got back together a few days ago and just this afternoon I asked him 'so when are you going to book in for this tattoo then you promised'His reply? 'I've thought long and hard about it and I really don't want to do it, I've already got a tattoo and I don't want anymore so I'm not going to do it afterall'.I'm furious! I feel absolutly conned, fobbed off completly. He blaitantly promised me that tattoo to get me back, SWORE he would do absolutly anything to make it up to me and now he has gone back on his word.I don't even know if I want to be with him anymore because I'm so angry and bitter at what he's done, the tattoo was a way to make that up to me- he new full well I would never have taken him back if he hadn't of promised me this!Were do I go from here?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): I know I'm going to seem terrible for this but;A tattoo is A LOT to ask for even for that amount of time cheating.I would never get a tattoo of any guys name no matter how much in love with him I am so I imagine he don't want one because this either.Yes what he did was very wrong and very sick, but it's your choice if you want to be with him or notThe fact you said "I would never have taken him back if he hadn't of promised me this!" shows that he wanted to get you back so he promised this.But nonetheless I still think he doesn't deserve to be with you because he doesn't love you if he's willing to cheat on you for that amount of timeHe's not sorry that he did it, he's sorry that you found out,He definitely isn't worth being with.I hope this helped x
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 September 2011):
 People can lie and promise anything to get what they want. As for keeping their promise after they got it... it does not always happen.
Where do you go from here ?
Your separate way.
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (12 September 2011):
I can understand both sides to this one.
From his side, he is one of two types.
If he is the first type, he is a cheater, lier and manipulator. In this case, he would simply say anything to get you back, and once you are back and the dust has settled, he doesn't have to follow through because you have taken him back. This is not the kind of guy you want to be with.
If he is the second type, he cheated and then regretted it and said he would do anything to get you back, and in his emotional state thought a great way to prove his love and committment would be to get a tattoo. However, after the dust has settled, he has thought about it and he genuinely doesn't want another tattoo even though he does regret what he did and does want his relationship with you to work. He is now in a bind, a no win situation, because if he gets the tattoo he might feels he hates it, and it is permanent, and if he doesn't he will look like a liar again and someone who isn't really trustworthy. That is why you are so upset with him I suspect, it isn't just about the tattoo, it calls his trustworthiness into question again, on the back of him having cheated.
That is where I can understand your side of things. When he cheated he destroyed your trust, and now he is going back on his word over the very thing that helped you stay with him! I would be very upset about that too. However, I can understand him too, that he might genuinely not want to get another tattoo. He might be looking back at it saying he really doesn't want to lose you, but it wasn't the smartest idea to agree to get one.
The bottom line is, you need to be able to trust him. Him not wanting to get a tattoo is understandable, but it isn't helping you guys given the context. You can go either way on this one.
If you want the relationship to work out, and if you do believe outside of these things that he does actually love you and will work to rebuild your trust and relationship, you could give it a go. You will need to let him know that at the moment, he hasn't shown himself to be trustworthy because he has cheated and now lied about something he agreed to, even if you can understand it, you won't accept him back based on those things, he is going to need to show he means what he says. He needs to know he is going to need to slowly earn your trust over time, and if he can't the relationship isn't going to work. He needs to hear these things because if you don't say them, you are really just giving him the message that he can behave in an untrustworthy way in the future and you will just take him back anyway.
If you have a feeling that he isn't really trustworthy, and that he has just said these things to get you back, but that you don't think he really means what he says in general, your relationship is unlikely to work out, and you deserve better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2011): In my opinion it was in the heat of the moment and he would have said ANYTHING to get you back! If he really wanted to prove to everyone that he only wants you he should have proposed! He chose to say he would get a tattoo of your name knowing that he could go back on his word at anytime after you have already gotten back with him. A cheater is always a cheater you deserve better!
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (12 September 2011):
 I am not sure how getting a tattoo would help you regain your trust in him. Did you honestly think having your name on his body would deter him or other women from having sex? Tattoo or no tattoo, it wouldn't have changed anything. It takes more than ink to fix a relationship. The only positive thing that came out of this is the fact that he has shown you that he cannot even commit to a silly promise. Most men are persistent when it comes to getting a woman back. They beg, plead and say just about anything to get a woman back. Most of the time it's just fancy BS. He promised to get a tat and failed to back it up with action. Just dump this loser and block him from your phone, e-mail, ect. The less emotional BS you hear, the quicker you move on.
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (12 September 2011):
No, he didnt conn you, he flat out lied to you and he did it expressing his love for you. You see what a fake he is now. You tell him once in for all that you dont want a cheat and liar.
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