A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has lied to me about being with other women, or so he said to me. We've been together for over seven months, and he just told me now. He also recently found out that I would prefer to be with a virgin. I'm having trouble deciding if I should believe him or not. He also knew, from the time we got together that sex was not something I was after. I also do not know what's worse, the fact he lied for so long, or that he lied about something so important. Help? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, mrg123  +, writes (14 May 2011):
 I know your hurt he lied BUT i'm inclined to go with Honeypie on this one. The bottom line is that people lie a lot, sometimes for bad reasons, sometimes for well-intentioned reasons, sometimes for plain stupid reasons etc,etc. In addition to what Honey said I suspect the motivation may well have been his desire to 'play the man' in front of you; its socially expected that a man should be sexually experienced and he probably felt shy that you would reject him or think less of him. In other words, it was a self-protective lie, this is borne out by the fact he told you the truth when he knew from what you said, hed be accepted. Before I get jumped on, i'm not justifying his actions but before we judge a lie we have to understand context and here the context doesnt point to somebody who is deceptive per se but who maybe a little insecure, so id be highly tempted to forgive him. At least ask why he did what he did before you make any rash decisions about ending it or anything. Good luck and take care x
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (14 May 2011):
 You might have thought to mention it to him before you all started a relationship that all men need to be virgins in your mind. He might not have lied then. In fact it wasn't "officially" a lie if he didn't know the ground rules.Think about it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 May 2011):
 How is he supposed to know that your preference is virgins?
I will quote you OP -
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He also recently found out that I would prefer to be with a virgin.
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So you weren't upfront about your preference when you two first started out. Maybe... He didn't want you to think he's a "slut" for having had sex before. Maybe he's not a "kiss & tell" kind of person. Some people will divulge great details about their past relationship, some don't.
I guess YOU have to decide if he is worth staying with even with the lies/his past.
I will however say this, if a guy will lie about this and lies well for that long.. he might be very capable of lying about other things too. So trust can be a huge issue.
Honestly, I would ASK him why he lied and go from there.
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