A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupids, im really confused and dont have a clue what to do or think! My boyfriend and i met just over three years ago. We got together after a few months of dating and will have been together three years in february. Everything has been anazing. When i met him i fancied the arse off him.. Hes gorgeous! He had everything too.. Self employed. Great successful business. Apartment in the town centre. Drove an audi tt. £40,000+ just sat in the bank and just 25 years old. Gradually over the three years he's ended up struggling and not spoke up about it. His car was wrote off in june and he never replaced it, he bought a shitty second hand citreon. I sisnt think twice about it, just let him get on with it. Ive never really been interested in his money, its upto him. But his business went rapidly downhill as the ressession grew and he decided to sell. He was working for a promotions (cash in hand) company but he enjoys it.. Still works for them. Other than these things i thought were small, nothing much changed.. We were super happy, had the best, most honest so i thought.. Relationship! I found out in october im pregnant. Almost 5 months now. He was over the moon! Rge night i told him i was pregnant, he asked me to marry him. We had an amazing christmas in scotland with his family and were gonna spend the new year with mine. But on thursday morning i woke up to a text saying 'hiya babe, hope your okay, sorry to have to let you know like this but things arent good. Ive declared myself bankrupt. I gave my keys in for the flat yesterday, im in (city) and im not coming home, its not for me anymore, nothing left there anymore. Ive lost everythung babe. You and the little one deserve so much more, ill never stop loving yoy, make sure the little one knows i love him/her. Ill be in touch onr day, just need to get my head around too much. Have a good new.year. I love you princess x x x' i thought he was taking the piss at first! I text him back.. No reply.. I tried to call him later, his phone was turned off. Its not been turned on since! I just cant figure out why! When he decided what he was doing. Why he couldnt speak to mr! Why i cant get in touch with him! What do i tell my baby? Im a mess! Cobfused! Hes broken my heart! Is he okay! Will i see him again?! I know you guys cant give me answers.. But maybe you can make some sense of it all! Sorry its long! Many thanks for reading!xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): I think you must contact his family - this is their Grandchild after all. You deserve some support. Why should he walk away because things are bad for him. He's leaving you to have a baby alone, totally unacceptable. He'll be back on the scene when it suits him no doubt, expecting to walk straight into the child's life. He needs to know that he can't just walk away. Even if he can not support you financially he and his family should at least be a support in another way. Get back in touch, a letter is better than a text to him and his family. They and he cannot and should not abandon you and your baby at this time. Be strong, if he rejects you out of hand you know you have been with a man without compassion, morals and any sense of duty etc who that only thinks of himself.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (2 January 2011):
Basically, he took the cowardly way out. To play devil's advocate a little though, he no longer has nothing to offer. In his mind he is no longer a "man" and can't provide for you and his child. So he's taking the easy way out by pulling a disappearing act. Is this in any way okay though? Absolutely not! He needs a swift kick in the ass is what he needs!
He should be sticking by you when you're extremely vulnerable mentally and physically, he should have been trying to find a new job and doing anything he possibly can to try to resolve his problem but he decided to check out instead.
I'm really sorry you're in this situation and it's REALLY messed up on his part. My girlfriend got dumped by her boyfriend after being a couple months pregnant and she's been raising their daughter on her own ever since. So if it's any consolation you're not the only one out there going through an ordeal such as this. Just know that it's up to you to do what you can to have a fit life for you and your child. Don't worry about what you'll have to tell your child--you have years to think about it. If he's decent at all, he'll come back into your life and do what he's supposed to do and never do it again. I doubt it's the last of him, but he's being a coward and he's scared so he's avoiding you. Just leave him be for now, don't try contacting him for a couple weeks.
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A
female
reader, cat lady +, writes (2 January 2011):
 You spent Christmas with his family in Scotland, did you? I think, before this humble writer can give you much of an answer, you need to tell us if you've been in touch with that family. You certainly should do and not just because of the pregnancy. If you were planning on marriage and the family was involved, it is perfectly natural for you to contact them about the boyfriend's bizarre behavior, just in case they know a little about it themselves.From what you have said about that cryptic text message, it seems a lot like the usual, "My life is ruined and now I'm going to go out and eat worms and die!" that one often hears from the young. That means it'll pass soon. Remember that it's winter and it's unlikely he's sleeping in his car - when he can go home to Mom! Do not delay; phone his parents immediately.
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