A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a huge problem. I have been dating a guy long distance for 2 years. I met his family a while back and I could clearly tell that he had not told them I was divorced, with 2 kids. I didn't make a big deal about it but moving forward, I'm now pregnant and he has moved to my state (which is only 3 hours from his) and he Wants me to go meet the rest of his family for Thanksgiving but he still has not told his family about my children. I'm really sad about this and when I asked him if his family would ever meet my kids he said when the time is right. He is filipino and I understand that they are catholic and might look down on my past BUT now that we're having a baby things are different. I feel like keeping them a secret is not ok and it hurts me. They are my children and I'm proud of them. I just don't understand. He's had 2 years to tell them. He has no problems telling them about me or having me meet them. It's just the kids. What should I think about this? He keeps saying trust me but I will not do this again. I can't pretend that this is my first child. It saddens me really. I feel like I'm not being true to them and am just as bad as him by not bragging about them. Later on, when they find out there gonna think I'm a liar and I honestly don't wanna be the bad guy. Help!!!
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divorce, liar, long distance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, shna  +, writes (23 November 2013):
 Well I don't think they are going to look at you as a liar its they're own son that they will look to in that way!! He should have told them everything there is to know about you straight out, what's the point in keeping secrets? It only builds up drama! Why don't you take the situation into your own hands the next time you meet the family find a way to bring up stories about your children!
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 November 2013):
 That is a huge problem. I hate the thought of your boyfriend trying to hide your children away, especially if he has told his family about the new baby.
I think you need to accept it is crunch time! Either he accepts you as a package with two kids, and includes them in conversations with and visits to his family or he doesn't get any of you.
I can see big problems for you and your two children if this is not sorted out NOW! He will continue to try and hide their existence, it does not take a very vivid imagination to see what would/could happen next. You are in danger of putting this man before your children, with the most likely result being them leaving home, and you, at the earliest possible moment.
Don't do that to yourself, and them. Consider carefully, make your choice, and then stick to it. Don't listen to any more of his BS nor should you continue to trust him on this, he hasn't earned that trust with regard to your kids, has he?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2013): Don't be in a hurry. He is right. Don't see things as if he is hiding things but try to think practical. You love your kids that's obvious but it is not necessary that his parents also have to feel the same. After all he knows his family better than you do. He is trying to make his family take a liking to you by letting you to meet them and be with them and when they approve you and you both have your baby then he would introduce your kids. That's better because you don't want his parents to ask him of not seeing you as I think his parents may be parents of olden age with beliefs and boundaries. And he doesn't want to lose you because if his parents come to know of your past maybe they would start doubting their sons choice.Don't be sad and don't be in a hurry, everything will get into its place well only when its time for it to happen..cheer up friend he loves you and doesn't want to lose you.I too went through all this but the difference was my bf had a kid and I had to adjust to him like your bf is trying to adjust you.:-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2013): When you meet the family bring up the kids yourself.
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