A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI fell in love with a person younger to me by 3 years and he said he loved me too. We are together for past 1.5 years. I love him dearly and i always put his needs over mine. But lately i started realizing that he is using me and i never came first for him as he was for me. Its like i am the one always have to call him. Even if i didnt call him even for 2-3 days he never calls me. He never got me anything even for my Birthday. He usually wont spend even if we go out. He is my first serious bf after my divorce. I loaned him some money when he was in trouble and has never repaid me back till this time.Please help me.
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female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Yes, he could be using you and he could just be unaware of what he is doing.
I'm leaning in the direction of he is using you, didn't get you anything for your birthday? He's gotta go.
It's very obvious that he doesn't really care about how you feel or what your needs are, so leave him and find someone who will. You don't deserve that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): You should think of yourself and get rid of him. You should not put someone first, it should be a mutual thing by which you both look out for each other. He sounds a user. I would put up with no more of this treatment. Look for someone who has respect for you and do not feel you have to do all the giving, you will end up with another guy like this one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): Have you talked with him about it? Sure he is either using you or just the quiet type and unaware of how you feel.
It's possible that he would help you out if he could with money and assumed you would do the same.
If he is using you let him go, but it might not hurt to get some clarity on if this is the case first, he may have a different idea about when to call or not call and although it sounds lame, some guys hate the phone. You might also need to be clearer in your expectations about what you need so he know he should show he care for birthdays and a phone call or hand made card is sweet if he has no money.
You should also say that you need to hear from him occasionally and enjoy your conversations. Ig this gets a negative response then re-consider seeing him anymore.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Why are you letting him leech off of you emotionally, physically, and financially? Loving someone doesn't mean you put their needs before yours. It means that you put their needs as high as yours. Never forget your own needs, or you'll end up resentful like you are now.
Also, NEVER lend money to a significant other if you value the relationship, and never ask your significant other for a loan. Money screws up friendships and relationships.
Drop this guy unless you want another year and a half of the same treatment.
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A
female
reader, sophisticated08 +, writes (2 March 2011):
 yea... clearly you need to let this guy go... i dont think he is right for you and maybe he is using you... im sure that you can do so much better... i think that you know what you need to do as well... so yea i would say just leave him...
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