A
female
age
36-40,
*iss.beautiful
writes:Me and my fiance are very close but I feel like as many times as I talk to him about this he just wont understand we were at a party and I was the only sober one well him and his friend pressured me into some stuff the next morning he did not talk to me and he said it was my responsibility I took the blame and he said the only way to make this even is if I f*** another girl or we have a threesome I thought I was picking the right one by saying the threesome because I think to much if he were to just go have sex with another girl I would go crazy but it wouldn't be too much better having a threesome we haven't even had it yet and he's already asking if we can have another one with another girl after this one if we go though with it... I don't know what to do I need some advice please...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2015): Your fiancé is a cunning so and so.
Don't waste another breath on him.
There is no possible win win outcome from this little mishap. Your options are
1) Go through with this three some and resent him forever and feel used and be haunted by images of a sexual act you have been coerced into. There's a high risk he won't want to quit the lifestyle and he'll want more
2) Don't give in to the three some and have him bring this incident up constantly. He'll grow resentful until and that you like crazy or he will cheat to get even. Even if he doesn't cheat your trust is gone now that you know he NEEDS to have another woman to feel ok about spending forever with you after this incident. You'll always wonder if he's cheating.
Either way while I think you were both immature to do this without having had at least a serious discussion in avance. Hopefully you'll treat your future relationships with a little more respect than this one.
I do think as the sober one, you should have known better. That's not to say the blame is entirely yours. He is also responsible. He should own up to that responsibility and stop pretending to be a victim. I do think he is manoeuvring this unfortunate incident to fulfill his FFM fantasy. He is literally thinking with his penis. That is not husband material who thinks with his penis that the best way to solve problems is to 'get even'.
A
female
reader, Lucky angel  +, writes (14 January 2015):
He is manipulating you into a threesome. ... If he really loved you he wouldn't hold a grudge against you and act as though you owe him. A relationship is meant to be about forgiveness, not 'getting even' and pushing the person you 'love' into something they are uncomfortable doing.
I say leave him now, do not marry him. He's not husband material.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 January 2015):
 I had a thought here. After I ended my last post, it hit me that you're being set up. I think your fiance has been cheating on you, and I think the party where he and his friend got you to do things with his friend was a set up into letting him fool around with this other girl.
Trust me on this one. You've been set up, and your relationship is over already.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 January 2015):
Easy advice. DO NOT MARRY HIM. Break up with the cheating no-good bottom-feeder.
Why is there even a question about this?? Being a fiance doesn't mean being a plaything in his drunken fantasies. he's not treating you like a loving fiance.
Get rid of him and his friend. It sounds like he wanted to watch you get it on with his friend, which you did. Don't let this go on. Drop the guy.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (14 January 2015):
 Your fiance is an idiot. Why are you with this loser?
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (14 January 2015):
 This isn't how someone who loves you acts. Please leave him; he's controlling, resents you, holds a grudge, etc.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (14 January 2015):
So you must sacrifice your morals for a man to marry you??? Really? How can you call this love if you "have to" let your soon to be husband sleep with someone else???
You have to really sit down and think what kind of man you want to marry. A man who is YOUR husband, or man who thinks sleeping with other women is the way to a good marriage.
Last time I checked, marriage was between two people. And unless you live in a country where a man can have more than one wife, I say you need to evaluate what love really means to you.
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