A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend keeps lying to me about underwear.Hi everyone, I would like some advice on what to do!A month ago i had a fight with my bf about him telling lies and half lies about his ex. Not only when i confronted him did he didn't come clean until I really pushed but I also found out that some underwear that I had found in his drawers belonged to his ex. We made up after that when I told him that he should be honest and i'd prefer it that way. Yesterday though, I found a women's panties amongst a bunch of clothes in his bathroom. I asked him what they were and he said they are old and came with the package (refering to this dress up set he bought before). This excuse was also what he said for some of his ex's underwear aswell though.I don't want to fight and I'm scared he'll just charm me and lie more..Should i just go for it and say something? Please give some advice and encouragement! Thank you!
View related questions:
his ex, underwear Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (13 May 2011):
 in that case, OP, i would be worried that he has been entertaining 'visitors?' when you are not there, and perhaps another party is 'accidentally?' left her underwear for you to find.
Any hint of any lies would concern me in any relationship. Ask him what he fears the most about openly tell you the truth?
Best wishes
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys.Abella: I'm 100% sure it isn't mine=)And also I've been pretty open to crossdressing and fetishes aswell so those reasons are unlikely to me. I talked to him about it but now I'm worried that he'll lie about throwing them out and hiding them or something! I guess I need to relax a bit?Anonymous:Yes, I'm also scared that because even though I do sometimes confront him about his lies I don't really push it. So I am now worried that he'll keep lying about things just because he knows I won't fight him..Thank you for your advice!=)
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 May 2011):
OK, there may be many possibilities. But I have tried to think of something else that could explain the inexplicable.
Have you sometimes found your own underwear has gone missing? Because I am wondering if this underwear you have found really was his ex-Gf's underwear?
Or is it something completely different?
Your Boyfriend may feel horrible lying to you, but too fragile inside his head about revealing more, or he is worried that the real reason may frighten him, and be just too much to reveal, until he feels safe enough to open up to you. Because the real reason may seem unexplainable. Considering the guy you know, versus another possible side to your guy?
He may even need a counsellor with great empathy until he can develop the courage to tell you the truth. So I will ask:
Is he perhaps wearing women's underwear when he thinks you will not notice? It might be that he has some sort of fetish that he does not yet understand. If it is just a fetish it may just be manageable if it does not affect your relationship.
And if your reaction is understanding compassion rather than revulsion then you may be able to work around this problem.
But if it does horrify you and he senses that revulsion on your face, then he may retreat unto himself, feel humiliated and try to cover it up with more excuses.
He may also need some ongoing support to deal with this issue.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): If he is lying about this, he's lying about other stuff too. This is a pattern starting... My man loves the smell of my 'stuff' but I don't leave undies around for souvenirs. I need them! If he wants a smell he knows where to come and get it......
...............................
|
