A
female
age
36-40,
*kitty
writes:My boyfriend of 7 years decided he is moving out because he needs time to figure things out and to be on his own for a while. We've been best friends and have been together since we were 17/18, now 25/26. We always did everything together everyday and he never really got the chance to hang out with friends because he always devoted all his time to me. Our love was always so strong but the past few months he's been emotionally distant whenever we hang out. He's there but not really there. It feels like something is missing and the conversation is dull. He pointed that out to me and said we used to have great conversations and he's been feeling like we lost the spark for some time. He also just got a new job so he's been gone a lot and never makes time for me anymore. He said he is really stressed trying to work a lot (he works 5-6 days a week and long hours) so he can pay off his debts and he is also trying to focus on finishing school. He always talked about marriage, he was always the one to bring it up and up until a few weeks ago, he's been telling me he wants to have a baby with me. But lately I feel like he has drifted and he hasn't wanted to be home anymore (he always goes out after work to go drinking with his buddies and coworkers and doesn't come home until the a.m.) and when I confronted him about him never making time for us anymore he told me it's because he feels the love is not there anymore. He told me this is a really tough decision for him to make because we've never broken up before but he really needs time away to find himself and think about what he wants. He says he still loves me, always will and that I'm still his best friend but right now his heart just isn't in it and he can't be in a relationship right now. He said he strongly believes that time may be just what we need and that he won't stop trying for us and he still wants to keep in contact. He said he doesn't even want to think about moving on or dating at all and he just wants to work on himself first. He is moving out in a couple days and I am devastated that he can just abandon me after all we've had. I don't know what to do since it's going to be so hard living life without him. He's all I've known and the person I did everything with everyday for 7 years. I can't eat, I can barely sleep. I think about him every waking minute and everything in this house reminds me of him since we built our life together here. I feel like my heart's been ripped out of my chest. The thought of dating any other guy sickens me and I truly believe that he is the one. I do have hope because in our entire relationship we've never gone a day without communicating and when I come home after going out of town he showers me with affection because he missed me so much whenever I was away. And we always made up within a few hours or the same day after we had fights, no matter how big. We've always had such a strong bond. I am afraid that he will see that his life is better without me and that I will lose him for good. Is there a chance he will come back?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2013): I can only imagine what you're going through. My advice is to reach out to your family and friends and rekindle neglected friendships to get a support network around you through this difficult time. In future try not to insulate yourselves from the outside world because one or both of you will feel smothered and bored. If you spend every spare second together you end up having nothing new or interesting to share.I've been in your shoes when my other half needed space. In my case, he came back. But whatever happens - this is an opportunity for you to develop yourself as a person. Think about all those things that have peaked your interest that you've never got round to doing. This is the time to do them. Think about your career - do you want something new and challenging? Your haircut - do you want to try a different style or colour? This is the time to define yourself and give your future partner something interesting to love about you. You need to have interests for you to interest someone else.Your boyfriend has known you for 7 years and I have to be honest and tell you that he knows everything there is to know about you already. There is nothing more you can do to persuade him that you are the one for him. That decision is up to him to make based on your time together. Because you love him and he has been good to you, give him the benefit of the doubt and allow him the space that he needs. But it is vital that you use this time to make some positive changes in your personal life. Learn to be happy on your own because how can you make someone else happy otherwise?He may or may not come back.But do not sit moping around waiting for him.Treat yourself and pamper yourself as you would do a friend who was in the same situation!Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): He HAS broken up with you. He isn't leaving to find himself. He has left for good. A baby is the last thing you need to bring into the picture. I doubt that would have stopped him.He was just laying out excuses to justify leaving.He is done and ready to move on with his life. Let him go and start rebuilding your own life. Get your education and pursue every interest you neglected, to be with him. You both became co-dependent and smothered each other. You didn't grow together; that's why you've grown apart. You were needy and clingy. You didn't even have friends of your own, individually. You were isolated and only had each other and no other stimulation.In the long run, it will be healthier for the both of you.I suppose someone is going to suggest you should have married him. That wouldn't have solved anything; if you are already in an emotional rut. It would have only made leaving more complicated for legal reasons. in some states you would be in a common-law marriage. Seven years I believe is the legal time period. If you share property, better check into it.If you share bank accounts or credit cards, I strongly suggest you get those resolved.Prepare yourself to recover from the breakup. It will be painful emotionally, but you will both survive. You need to learn to survive on your own, so you will not smother anyone else, or be smothered.Ask for help. We'll be here for you. Contact your family and friends for support. You'll get through it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): You need to be strong and prepare for the worse but hope for best . I have walked in your shoes , your life is nearly an exact match to my own.I met my now hubby at 15 teen ( been together now 24 years) we hit a rough spot when I was 25 him 28 . He felt it wasn't working etc etc so I left I said right fine ( he was also talking to a female worker of his) so that impacted on our relationship . I moved out and I started going out . Yeah hell it hurt but I wasn't staying i brooding ( neither should you) I got asked out my very first weekend out I thought hell why not.. Don't need to sleep with the guy dating not cheating when your made single . So I did . Week later he my hubby turns up with some excuse and is not happy I'm dating well says I .. You better smarten up or ill be taken.. Next thing he back asking me out on a date and that what we did . We started dating again. Got engaged married have three kids and are stiill in love If he thinks he can do better than you ..Laugh and wish him well as he in for a few surprises but tell him confidently he better makes his mind up quick as your to good , you won't be sitting on any shelf and if he too late then that's his problem ..I for one would think there some other enticement when he out and it ain't a male buddie. Take care.. And be prepared this may be an new beginning no matter how you look at it,
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