A
female
age
30-35,
*fionzx
writes:I am a 19 year old female and a few months into our relationship i found out that my bf liked to cross dress. He is 24. I was disgusted at this and confronted him about it. He said he would try to stop but things got flung out and more stuff got ordered. After a few months of not finding anything i thought he was over it, however a few weeks ago i was looking online and found he had registered to a few swinging sites looking for CD/TS/TG saying he was looking for the night of his life. I confronted him about it and said he had set it up years ago. However he had joined in Feb 08 which was 6 months into our relationship. He was telling me he loved me then so everytime he tells me now a year and a half into it and getting engaged i don't believe him. I have gave him chances after chances. And he just expects me to get over it. Although he swears he has not cheated, i believe this is just as bad and hurtful. I have lost trust in him. Because i am only 19 i feel asif i am stuck in something i cannot get out of. Although i do love him and feel safe i don't trust him. I have lost friends for him as he doesn't trust me but i haven't done anything to hinder our relationship or to make him think i have. Eveytime i think we are moving on in our relationship something else seems to crop up leading us round in circles. Am i being unreasonable? What should i do?
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (9 March 2009):
 You dont trust him, he doesnt trust you - and you are engaged? At 19? Trust is a massive part of a relationship and if you dont trust each other then the relationship has no future, it is as simple as that.
While his cross dressing is not a terrible thing and could be forgiven, the fact that he has been on those internet sites looking for "the night of his life" shows he is willing to cheat, therefore you have every right not to trust him. If he wont stop after you have repeatedly asked then I'm afraid to say he will never stop.
I understand you may feel stuck in the relationship but this is just not true! You are only 19, this is so young and you have all of your life ahead of you. You have no children with this guy, and you are not married. Therefore there is nothing to tie you down to this guy - you can get up and leave whenever you want!
Are you close to your parents? Do you have any friends that can help you? I dont know if you live with this guy, that will make it more complicated but you can still leave. Move back in with your parents, crash at a friends house until you find your own place to live. Move to another city if that would help - have a fresh start somewhere new.
But this relationship definately isnt going anywhere and I suggest you get out of it before you do make a big mistake and actually get married. You are too young to be settled down anyway - start acting your age and having fun with life! You really sound unhappy and there is no trust in the relationship, I cannot see any good things to want to hold onto. Just be strong and do what makes you happy - you can do anything you want to do!
Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): If you are uncomfortable with his behavior, you need to move on. Cross dressing doesn't mean he is cheating on you. Nor does it mean he wants to be anyone other than who he is! I have known very manly men, who in private moments enjoy the feel of womens clothing on their bodies. Some men use it as a way of letting their more sensitive side out. Men have it tough when it comes to emotions. They are taught to "act like a man" "man-up" and all sorts of cliches that for some men causes them to act the role of tough-guy on a regular basis. Cross dressing is harmless, victimless, and doesn't mean your guy is gay!
Having said all that, I have to reiterate...if you are repulsed by this, move on now. It is something he enjoys doing, and probably won't (or can't) stop doing. That will cause him to hide it, cover it up and make him miserable!
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