A
female
age
41-50,
*emma12345
writes:HiI am really at a loss as what to do. My boyfriend has been very distant to me these last 3 months. We broke up for a couple of weeks about 5 months ago (my instigation because he was being unsympathetic to me while I was miscarring our baby!). The thing is that I really love him and once we got back together I have tried really hard to make it work. But he has just withdrawn from the relationship. But when I have asked him if he wants to break up he just says no but he doesnt know what he wants and he doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. I also found out the other day that he has joined an on-line dating site - which explains he abscence every Friday and other nights too. I know I should finish the relationship but I really really love him and could use some advice on how to get him back interested in me and us again. Previously we were planning our engagement and wedding etc...Thank you for any feedback :-)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): Listen to CaringGuy honey. Everything he writes is absolutely the truth. Do yourself a favor, take care of yourself now and accept this as a new direction for your life. Good luck, you can do it.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 October 2010):
You can't just make a man interested again. He is either interested, or he is not. If I thought he was interested in working it out, I'd be able to suggest a few things. As it is, this seems to be falling apart without a hope.
Unfortunately, miscarriages can be a major factor in the breaking of a relationship. Men especially can feel pushed aside, because we don't suffer the physical side of the miscarriage and therefore seemingly require less support. This isn't the case. We really do need support too.
The problem here is that you needed his support, and you thought he was being unsympathetic to you. He wasn't. He was in pain, and he didn't know how to express it. So he pulled away. Then you broke up, which has added to this, and now you're back together but of course he's guarded because of what happened before.
The online dating sites and the cheating are the final nail in the coffin. They are now the sign that he has checked out of the relationship, and needs to be set free so he can deal with his own problems in his own way. You need to let him go. I know you've suffered a lot, but you will suffer even more as this goes on. You seem to be clinging onto something that you don't have anymore, because everything has changed.
You need to end it with him and live your own life. There is nothing I can suggest to you, because he has already left the relationship.
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