A
female
age
51-59,
*hrmnldy
writes:My boyfriend did something Friday night that found inappropriate and he told me I was just being jealous.... like he says a lot lately.... he doesn't want apologies. He did make me dinner for Vday and chocolates but said he was just being nice for VDay and was still mad.... so I have no idea what to do. He is in the Army and is leaving for 3 years in May... we have plans for me to visit until I finish school. Now everything I do annoys him although he doesn't want to break up and he gets jealous but says I read into that. We are both 38, but he just got out of a bad marriage, where as I have been divorced for 10 years. I'm just not sure how to handle this or what to do?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (17 February 2009):
Ah deployment.
He needs to recognise that he is being an arse and it's probably stress related.
He's probably mentally trying to protect himself so that during that 3 years when you move on and meet someone else, he will know you were evil anyway.
Ask him seriously what he wants to do with your relationship. Does he really want to carry on till May when he'll get posted? Would it be easier to finish things now so he can have a clear head when he leaves?
Tell him that you are not going to stick around for the next 3 months if he is going to be nasty or strange around you.
You have to give him his marching orders - shape up or ship out. That is how army guys think and it will make him consider his behaviour a bit if he thinks of it in these terms.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (17 February 2009):
 Two things that come to my mind as I was reading this: (1) he is rebelling against his feelings of having to be away for 3 years - hence he is acting funny and acting out as if everything you do annoys him, or (2) he is looking for an excuse so that you will be the first one to offer a breakup. so he can say "it wasn't me" :-)
Either way, the best thing is to sit down with a cool head - both of you - and cuts down to the core issue of why he was behaving the way he does AND how do you see yourself being away from him. If at all possible, make it "clinical", for instance, list all the pros and cons of being apart for 3 years with only occasional visits and long distance communication between those visits.
Best of luck!
Cat
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