A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year. All my close friends and family members know about him. Heck, he has even talked to my mother! I talk about him all the time, I'm proud to be with him and am serious about our relationship.However, his family (not sure about his friends) do not know about me. He doesn't have his relationship status on facebook and I'm always wary of what I put on his facebook page (though he's never told me I can't, I just get the vibe he doesn't want me to...). I asked him why and he told me he didn't want to tell them because they are "nosey". I left it at that.We are an interracial couple and I'm not from his country. Sometimes I wonder if that's why... But regardless of the reason, to be honest, it makes me feel a little unloved. Like he is almost ashamed to be with me, or like his family won't be welcoming of me. I'm scared to bring this up again to him because I don't want to seem pushy or overbearing, but it does hurt my feelings a little.Does this seem a little strange to anyone? Or should I understand his reasoning of his family being "nosey"?
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female
reader, WhenCowsAttack  +, writes (24 August 2014):
If he was ashamed of you he wouldn't be with you.
It is more likely he is ashamed of them. And yes it's possible he is from a family of bigots and is afraid they will say hurtful things to you. Maybe he feels he is protecting you.
You definitely need to find out why. Don't demand to meet them, but have a conversation with him. Because if you two are becoming serious and they are actually bigots, you deserve a heads up so you can prepare yourself for the inevitable family drama, and decide whether that is something you're willing to deal with.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2014): I doubt he is ashamed of you otherwise you wouldn't have gone anywhere in public together. Perhaps he is unsure about the relationship or where it is going. I was with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years and never introduced him to my family and I am glad I didn't as it would have got them emotionally involved in something that was going nowhere. I met his family and over the period of 18 months I learnt things about him and his family that were unpleasant, not the kind of thing I wanted to be involved with and I realised that I was with someone that I didn't consider right for me in the long term. He wasn't a bad person but we had such different backgrounds that his values were way off mine and it caused a lot of issues - things like money - but also it became clear we had few shared interests. He is either embarrassed by his family or there is an unresolved issue with them..... or he is, for whatever reason, unsure about you and your relationship. Its important to get to the root of it as it cannot really continue forward without sharing your happiness with others.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 August 2014):
 I think you should talk to him about it. I think you should tell him HOW it makes you feel and think. It could be he is embarrassed of his family, not you. IF you are COMPLETELY wrong he will do what's right.
A year is a LONG time to date and not met his friends and family. Specially if they don't live far away.
I have only dated one guy who never met my family and I never met his, and he turned out to be the biggest douche canoe I have ever met.
My other two BF, I met their family with in 6 months of dating - my husband took about a year BUT he lived in the US and I in Europe and he didn't live in the same state as his dad in the beginning. He lived about 2,000 miles from his Dad. He flew over to visit me and ASK my Dad for my hand and that was the first time THEY met. BUT they had talked on the phone before that.
TALK to him, don't presume things. And don't feel like you CAN'T bring this stuff up. IF it bothers you (and it does since you made a post here) TALK to him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2014): I think it depends on his personality. My ex gf was like are we gonna get married,are we gonna live there after all... I think don't smother him... If he settle things on his mind he would grab a huge diamond ring and even his family would become less important to him. I don't know if it is a good thing. no probably. But i get that you feel unloved sometimes. doesn't he make surprises gifts or lovely words? interracial thing wouldn't bother you at all. I think love above all. let the time lead and do its trick! :D
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