A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfrind have been together for nearly a year now and for some reason we have stopped having sex. There is an age gap between us but i have told him straight several times that i dont have a problem with it and neither does my family but if he does he has to leave me because this is something that cannot be changed.I love him so much and i dont want us to part but if this keeps going on i will have to leave him because i am starting to feel unloved, unappreciated and unattractive and keep crying all the time. He is a beautiful person and i have had no suspicions about cheating but to be honest he has no time to cheat because of work. He hates his job but the only advice i can give him is to look for a new one. I get paranoid that i am putting on weight and this is why he has stopped having sex with me but he says he doesnt think i have put on weight. I have spoken to him recently about not feeling like hes happy and not feeling like he loves me and he has started to kiss and cuddle me more, i know it may sound bad but that not enough, i need to feel intimate and close to him or it wont work and we will have to split up. I feel guilty because we had such a nice christmas together and he has spoilt me rotten but we havent had sex for 2 months. He gets in to bed, cuddles me for a while and then i hear him snoring and feel a bit empty. I really don't know what to do I love him and i dont want to leave him but is this my only option?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (25 January 2011):
 What happens if you initiate sex? When you talked about feeling unloved, did you say it was because of the lack of sex? Have you told him how the lack of sex specifically makes you feel?
I ask these questions because it sounds like he misinterpreted what you were talking about, which makes me think you were indirect rather than being completely open about the problem. To me, it looks like he's trying to be more loving and affectionate, so that's a good sign. He's making an effort there, so I don't see why he wouldn't make the effort in your sex life.
Talk to him. Try to present it in a neutral way. Instead of, "it feels like you don't love me," try "when we don't have sex it makes ME feel unattractive and unloved." Notice the subtle difference?
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