A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem with my current relationship that i cannot figure out the answer to. I have been woth my boyfriend for over 2 years now and things were great for a while. Well for the first year and a half. The problem started when he moved back in with his mum after i finished uni and i could no longer afford a flat with him. I see him every weekend and i always make an effort to ensure i get to see him as often as possible. However over the last few months i have noticed something happening to him. He has mood swings (not bad ones and he has never hit me) where he will get moody with me for no reason. He will say horrible things to me and he expects me to take them with no reaction. He says he doesn't mean it and that he is just joking, but it really hurts me. I have told him this and he says that if he meant it he would tell me, otherwise i should just take it as a joke. I have been building up my low self-esteem and at the begining he was brilliant. He would compliment me and say i was his one. But now i seem to get more nasty comments than good and it is hurting what i have built up again. I now find myself crying more often than i would like and i know this is beginning to annoy him. Is it me that is the problem or him? I can't tell anymore.Another thing is that everything seems to be my fault at the minute (and i mean everything!). If he is late for something then it is my fault. If he has arranged something and then forgets it is my fault. When he can't find something (that i haven't touched) then it's my fault. Things that are beyond my control are all my fault too. I know at the begining of the relationship i probably said sorry way too much and i probably caused this problem but i wish he would stop using me as a scape goat. I do love him and i wish we had a future together but right now i don't think we do. Can anyone help shead some light on why he is doing this to me? Please be as honest as you can. I really don't want to end the relationship but if that is the only option then i guess i have no choice.Thank you for reading. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): The break- off point for me was when I couldn't forgive myself for all the times he had trodden all over me and I hadn't stood up for myself. You'll toughen against him and when you get free of his poisonous grasp you'll realise how sweet it really is to be freed of such a burden. Best of luck, either way. X
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers guys. (sorry for the late reply i have been wothout the internet for what seems like forever!)
GettingHelp, I am living with my parents 100miles away from my boyfriend right now. I travel to see him every weekend without fail. This isn't how i imagined we would be when i left uni, i wanted to live with him but i could not get a job. I am still searching for a job as we speak.
Anon, i totally know what you mean. I love him and it would kill me to leave him but if i had to i think i could. I would just have to build myself up to it. It is hard to imagine life without the person you love but if they don't love you back then i guess that is what you have to do. But i am yet to build up the courage to even talk to him about the problem just like you. Have you made any progress? I don't know how to start the conversation with my bf lol.
Thank you all again. It is nice to have someone to talk to and knowing that i am not alone x
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): I think I have a very simular question. i was on here looking for an answer. when you love someone it feels impossible to leave the,. its hard to find someoine that will love you raver than play you. if i could bild up the currage i would tell him exactly how i feel face to face so he wouldn't hang up on me and have to wait till i see him to mention him. i do feel it's me aswell but its not. how could it be ,my fualt that he was late for work when i wasnt there and was asleep when he went to work? so tell him to change or you will leave if your his one he will stop it. i just hope i can get the currage to do this. lol x
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reader, GettingHelp  +, writes (12 April 2010):
He may subconsciously resent you because in the back of his mind 'you' took away his freedom & independence. (I'm not saying you did - cuz it's totally not ur fault - so don't let that stress you (: )
To a guy losing his independence and having to move back in with 'Mommy' is hard, not many guys want to have to return to the apron strings.
He's probably finding it really hard to deal with having to move back in with his Mom after having so much independence. Not that that is an excuse for his behaviour, but perhaps a little tiny insight into it.
You don't say where you live now? Back at home?
If so you need to talk to him about how it is for him having to move back in with his Mom.
If you live somewhere else other than back at home with your parents - he is probably having a really hard time dealing with you having more 'freedom' and 'independence' than he does and is a bit jealous of you. (Again not your fault - your guy seems to have deep-seated issues)
I would try talking to him again but if he can't deal with his issues, can't talk to you about them and doesn't change his behaviour - it may be time to move on.
But that's just my guess.
Maybe some feedback on your living situation?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): Stop and get out. This moron needs a reality check. I was in exactly the same situation as you, and like they all do, mine got worse, to the point where he threw me into walls, tried to turn my friends and family against me, and threatened me. Leave, regain your self- worth and prove to him that you don't need him. Men who can do this don't love you. Come to think of it, I was with my moron for about two years when he started to get really bad. Please, get out, I'm so much happier now, and better off without him. Nice guys do exis, this one just isn't one of them. Dump the babyish loser. Best of luck Xxxx
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