A
female
age
30-35,
*3chelciemarie
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. He is 23 and I am 24 and we are just finishing up our undergraduate degrees, and we do not live together. I moved to a new city about 3 years ago, and he just moved here about a year ago. Of course when you move to a new city, you will make new friends. During this past year my boyfriend has become close with a female coworker. At first I didn't mind , but I started to notice some things I don't lIke For one, she is very flirty, she calls him by his full name, and only his family does this. I also noticed that they have a lot of inside jokes and are very buddy buddy. This girl also lives with a male roommate who is also my boyfriends friend, and my boyfriend fell asleep at their apartment when they were all drinking. She I guess left him a note after by his shoes about having a good day. So the point is she's very flirty. The only issue is I don't think she has bad intentions, she is very nice to me. I guess I just want to be the girl that my boyfriend has inside jokes with and his best friends with. I don't mind him having female friends, I just don't feel comfortable with how close they are. I don't really know what to do. She was being very nice but I just get this weird vibe. Is it bad that I want to be the only girl that he has inside jokes with and does all these buddy buddy things with? Should I feel threatened?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 August 2016):
 Sweetie it is okay for him to have female friends, if she is over stepping the mark then you have a word with your boyfriend, but from reading your post I don't think she is trying to upset you. They are friends, does not mean she is flirting. Writing him a note to say have a good day is harmless, not flirty at all. You need to trust that your boyfriend will deal with it if she ever did try anything.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2016): No, dont tell your boyfriend. Dont make a big deal out of it. Youre his girlfriend, the girl he chosed and the girl he shares his sex life with, I think you have more an impact on him than you think. Be the cool girlfriend lolBe friends with the flirty chick, maybe even tease your boyfriend about her, and suggest hanging out with her and her boyfriend on group dates. Just be the cool girl, youre his number#1 gal, why even be insecure?Im guessing they are buddy buddy because she has no expectations from him and only wants to have a good time. Just enjoy your bf, be cool, learn from her and just have a good time with him too. Plus you get to be naughty girl in bed with. So many guys like many girls but its the girl that knocks his socks of in bed that keeps his imagination and feelings going =)
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (27 August 2016):
 Would you feel the same way if she was male? If not, I think you should try not to feel threatened.
Don't get me wrong, I know it can be uncomfortable to feel like there's another (non-family) woman they're close to, but some people are just flirty and I don't think it's an issue if he makes sure you're his priority.
As for inside jokes, I know you can feel a bit jealous of others with something in common with your partner that you don't have, like my boyfriend has the same music and nerdy game tastes as one of his friends and I feel a little sad that I can't share that with him too, but differences are good. They share inside jokes and I'm sure you will have deep experiences with him, if you spend your lives together and it will trump anyone's inside jokes.
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A
female
reader, MissFlossy +, writes (27 August 2016):
Hey there, if you're not comfortable in this situation I would talk to your partner about it, communication is key for a good healthy relationship. Tell him how you feel, if he respects you and your feelings, which he should, given how long you've been together then he'll do whatever it takes for you to feel comfortable. Good Luck. Xx
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