A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met my bf on an online dating website ( you can look for partners or friendship). We've beem togetherFor 5 yrs. About 8 months before i chatted to a guy on there and we met. I wasnt interested but he was a bit but knew nothing would happen etc. He wanted to stay friends as we do have a lot in common, and it was for both of us quite naturalTo talk to each other etc. A few months later he found a girlfriend. We have stayed in touch by sms/facebook etc. He has wanted to catch upforCoffee/lunch but i have putIt off as my bf constanty seems to have an issue with it and still thimks he wants me. After 5 years!! This guy has had 3 or 4 gfs, he moved out of home to live with one and the current one has just moved in to his house. My bf scrutinzises his text messages and everything he says. His messages might be a little long but its one every few weeks so its about him, work, what he is up to and asking about my life.I cant keep putting it off to see himBecause of my bf. I have never hidden anything abiut him toMy bf. I knew him before i even met my bf! My bf has a few female friends that he catches up with and text messages and i dont care. He often meets up with them for lunch at work ( they work close by) but he tells me that is different. So basically he can have female friends but i cant have male friends. I cant even mention a guy that i work with without him saying somethig or making suggestions that i want him or something sleazy. I know i should have dealt with this long ago but its gone too far now. I have never given a reason for him not to trust me. I have even joked that if he met him he may find that they avtually have a lot in common and we would have a couple to go out with. How can i get him to realise, he is a friend and only that?! And am i in the wrong at all ?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2013): If I'm understanding the situation correctly I would take issue with it. You met this person initially on a dating website... You have several things in common. I assume you find him attractive based on talking to him in the first place... Why open that box of worms if you are in a committed relationship? Your bf takes all the risk here in getting hurt if something does develop. Just because this guy has dated several women in between doesn't mean he's not interested. It's about when someone puts themselves in a potentially compromising position and where that may lead to down the road beyond what we see in the present. This is a very slippery slope and the one that stands to get hurt most is your bf.
I wish you the best in your situation.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2013): I posted the original question. i am female.
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