A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been living with my fiance for 3 years. He and I both drink daily. He has has a problem with crack in the past an cocaine. He has had 2 dui's in two years. He smokes pot everyday and takes pain pills every chance he gets.He is 56 I am 60. Here is the problem.I just lost my job, he is about to loose his. He is constantly looking at other (younger like 25) women, He calls me all kinds of vulgar names when his is drunk and pilled up. I got mad at him the other night and smacked him because he was calling me names because I did not want to watch porn with him in the hot tub and have sex. He left me at the hotel 1 1/2 hrs away from home and he got another dui, open container, possession and of course he was pilled up also. I drink...that is all...He now blames me for his tickets and says if I wasnt so jealous then none of this would have happened...question this man says he loves me and yet acts this way in public what should I do?
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female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (29 September 2010):
 I think this is a case where you two simply cannot be together as a functional couple. He drinks, does drugs, and blames you for DUIs that have NOTHING to do with you as you didn't put a gun to his head and force him to drive drunk. This man doesn't seem to respect his life or the life of others. He verbally abuses you and makes sexual demands you refuse, you smack him as retaliation. You are both financially on the rocks and that's only going to make things worse. This is a whirlwind, destructive engagement and though there may be times where you can look at each other with affection, the bad times are so intense, they'll be the ones you remember most. Make a list of good and bad things about him and your relationship. If the good outweighs the bad, there's reason to stay. If the bad outweighs the good, you should leave. And quickly.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (29 September 2010):
 You are both toxic to each other. By being with each other, you are enabling each other to drink, be reckless and go in and out of drug use. You clearly make each other very unhappy, if you are getting verbally abused and smacking him. And, as a result of how unhappy you make each other, you endanger yourself and others when you get on the road to drive angry and drunk.
You are not to blame for the tickets. He is his own man and makes his own decisions. You didn't tell him to get behind the wheel and drive. This man does not love you if he treats you like this. I say leave him and find someone who can make your life more positive, and make you feel truly loved.
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