A
female
age
51-59,
*onfused1970
writes:Yesterday my boyfriend started a fight with my 32 year old brother who lives on my property as to why he doesn't work and can't get off drugs. A discussion would have been ok but this was an all out screaming match with him calling my brother useless, a leach, loser etc... I found this to be disrespectfull to me am I wrong? My brother does not ask anything of him financially nor do I so what is it to him? I know he thinks he is helping me but being rude and abnoxious only upset me rather than helped me. Just because we don't like what someone else is doing or beleives in doesn't make it right. My bf says that all I do is make up excuses for my brother, he is big on saying that I make excuses for other people, but I find myself making excuses for his behavior too. When I tried to discuss this with him he just says he has no use for useless people and treats them all that way acting as if he did nothing wrong and ends the conversation by basically dismissing me. The more I write here the more issues I see and the more questions I have.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): Well my brother was living in my house, im 20 and hes 28. i would pay 850 a month for the rent, go to work, clean the house and cook. he wasnt into drugs, but he was some lazy guy who wasnt doing anything bad but wasnt doing anything good either as in workin... he would just sit there and do nothing, so trust me not even in months, but in weeks it gets fustrating to know that your doing everything and hes just being lazy living off you. Just as your boyfriend screamed at ur brother i did the same thing and guess what - he woke up from his dreamlife and started working. But your brother has drug problems. i think you should talk to him and tell him that he needs help because he does. Dont be mad at your boyfriend just try to talk everything out. im pretty sure he is just tired of the situation.
A
female
reader, purplestar  +, writes (10 June 2009):
You are completely right and rational to disapprove of what he did. You're right he shouldn't be worried about your brother if he has no affect on him. But check in with your bf. He sounds like he may have some unresolved, underlying issues going on. Maybe there is something from his past that is causing his disdain of those "useless people." You should stand up for your brother but also you should try and encourage your brother to become the person he is capable of being. You seem to really be understanding of both parties, but try and get to the gist of this because I don't think you have yet.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): it is your choice to let him live there but your bf is right and sometimes it takes rude and obnoxious poeple to make other people get off their buts and change their lives . ur being unfair to your bf you are an enabler. your wrong. he is trying to get this leech off your back you should step up and be a sister get some help for your brother dont just say he cant get off drugs becasue he can . its a choice . we make them every day. everyone can change if they want to . but they have to want to. think about it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): Well you two obviously jsut disagree on how the situation needed to be handled. He thought he needed some tough realization shoved in his face while you are more gentle in your approached and fine it inapprpriate.
Your opinons are set so you can't just be upset with him and therefore change his mind and make him feel bad about what he did. Becuase he does not feel bad. He thinks it was right and is not willing to meaninglessly appologize to you about it.
Hopefuly you got some sort of apology for him making you feel bad but I wouldn't expect one for the yelling in general.
For instance:
I'm sorry if it upset you but it needed to be said to him!"
I hope you understand what i'm saying.
And also remember that if your brother were just some random guy on the street, he probably would not have yelled at him or cared about him. But since he is your brother, he most lieky did what he did out of some osrt of protection toward you. He feels agnry that he is on your property doing drugs and probably not contributing. (i don't know the situation of course though) but that's my guess. It wasn't him being ajerk as much as you think it was. I don't believe his intentions were bad.
Feel free to ask your other questions. We're all here to help.
~SY.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): I think that he's right, your brother should stop relying on you and quit the drugs.
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