A
female
age
51-59,
*rjnee70
writes:Yesterday was my birthday and the guy I've been dating for over ten months forgot it was my birthday OR didn't even know. We are more than "friends with benefits" and less than totally serious. He has told me he loves me. He went away with friends for the weekend and has not acknowledged my birthday at all. I really think that he doesn't even know it's my birthday. We are friends on facebook and have been for ten months - so he can SEE my birthday listed at the top of my page! So should I do or say anything to him? Should I just let it slide? How should I bring it up if I do? And what should I say? My feelings are hurt. I think that after ten months - a guy should at least know my birthday. But I'm not mad at him. Also - I'm not some young girl... I turned 41 yesterday and he is 35 and we both have children. I'm just mentioning this because I think it's important you know that he and I aren't young and I'm not whining... I just want some advice on how to handle it.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 April 2011):
 Truthfully? Leave the birthday completely out of this. The real issue isn't even your birthday. The real issue is that you've fallen for this guy and aren't satisfied that your relationship with him is as it is. You want more, and you're hoping to see signs in him that he wants more as well.
The talk you have is not without its risks. Do you talk to him about how you feel risking that he may prefer the no strings attached relationship, or will he reveal that he sees you as more than that.
So you're putting out feelers to see whether he feels this way. The problem with that is, your brain plays tricks on you...overthinking and overanalyzing and pretty much driving you insane.
Instead of putting out the feelers and testing him, think about how he's acted towards you. Does he treat you like a relationship, or does he only show interest when he wants to hook up? Does he share his personal life with you, or are you his escape FROM it? Has he given you words of affection (i.e. he loves you, he's crazy about you, you are beautiful, special, etc).
It's been 10 months by now, so if he's still doing things like that, it's not just about the thrill of the chase for him. But if he isn't, and you're doing all the pursuing, contacting, calling, and the maintaining of this relationship, he's probably doesn't share your feelings.
You could either have the talk and tell him how you feel, or you can keep things as they are now, or you can leave him and find another man in whom you pursue a relationship, not FWB.
Now, if he's a married man, the point is moot, and you should run like crazy. But I'm thinking that he isn't, so I guess that being straight about what you're looking for is the best policy. If you hear the answer you were afraid of, it will hurt, but ultimately you will be free to get what you really need.
A
female
reader, mrjnee70 +, writes (11 April 2011):
mrjnee70 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have never mentioned my birthday to him, ever. I think maybe I was testing him, truth be told, which probably wasn't fair. And to the person who answered that maybe he didn't even notice my bday and that girls and guys are different - you may be right. i noticed his bday right away the first day I saw it. Maybe he's just not that type.Finally - I realize that I have feelings for him and I assumed he has feelings for me - but a discussion is in order.Thank you everyone!
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (11 April 2011):
 If you have never told him when your birthday is, he could easily not even notice it on Facebook. Disappointing.
I don't know what to tell you. If you mention now that he forgot your birthday, he's going to be embarrassed. If you don't say anything, you might continue to "stew" over it....
I don't know whether it would be a good idea or not to casually say something like "By the way, I enjoyed my birthday last week ( or a few days ago)....."
Maybe someone else here will have a better idea.....if it was me, I think I'd feel very awkward about bringing it up.....
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 April 2011):
Sorry, accidently hit post.
This is about how you feel about him. Maybe you should have a straight talk about your relationship with him instead of setting yourself up to be hurt like this.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 April 2011):
Did you outright tell him when your birthday is? Guys don't think the same way girls do about special days. They think in terms of moments. He can remember the place you met, or your first date, or the first time you made love, or something else memorable, but ask him what day it was, and he won't remember.
I've never been a believer in sitting back and "testing" a guy's feelings for you by setting up something like a birthday and seeing if he cared enough about you to see it on your Facebook. Also, it sounds like you're FWB and not in a titled relationship. You have developed feelings and want to be serious with him.
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